10 digit

I’m trying to contract out a design for my High School’s shirt, with the mascot and name and such. I was at one of Jack’s wrestling matches with schools from all over the area, and most of the logos and shirt designs were, well, boring. I think there’s a market for more interesting designs. At least I’m a market, of one. LOL. But there’s a new site, 2046 Designs, and they make awesome T-shirts with these retro-futuristic abstract designs, built around space exploration. I got one of their shirts, the Laika dog that the Russians sent into space. I love the designs. I’d like to get a bunch more of their shirts and replace my current wardrobe.

But anyway I think we could do a school shirt design in this fashion and at least make people think “There’s something here at this school, something is going on.” The guy I want to design it is someone who’s style I really like. He’s a local guy that lives in a big city now but we talk on Facebook. He made a St Louis Cardinals abstract design that was so neat that my wife painted her shoes with the design, to wear to ballgames. I envision that he could make this design, we could have another local company print up T-shirts for it, and people might like it? Maybe not? But then I envision him making designs for surrounding towns and schools in the same style, and then people may take notice when they see the 2nd or 3rd shirt in this style. They could see that something is up. For people like me, the Collector comes out. I would have to see how many of these shirts there are and end up collecting all of them. So I guess that is the audience I’m targeting, these people who like to collect things.

You could ask me why I don’t do the design myself. I mean, I know what style I’m going for. I kind of have a vague idea in my mind of what a cool design would end up being. But I don’t create it because I’m not deep enough in the world of graphic arts to come up with something this neat (that exists in my head). And it’s just like a 3D printed nameplate I just created for a teacher at school – it was a boring box of a design. I knew it was going to be boring. I am not well-versed enough in the art of graphic design to have a style of my own. So what I try to do at my age of 48 years old is not to be creative, but to be a good critic of design. I try to learn more about what elements of design are and how they compare. I try to distinguish between art that I like and that which I hate, and to put into words why I feel that way. This may seem like a cop-out, that someone who can’t create should have no room to criticize. But I counter this by trying to praise and lift up good designs as much as I bash bad designs. It’s like the great movie critic Roger Ebert – he could not write a script to save his life but he was very creative in his criticism of movies. Often his reviews were more enjoyable than the movie he was reviewing. He was good about praising good movies in addition to his scathing criticisms. And it’s not like I’m not creative at all or at anything. I’ve played guitar long enough in my life that I know I have my own style. People could tell my original playing apart from someone else’s. I just don’t think that I have enough time in my life now to be this creative in another field. But I’m treating this 3D printing hobby as a slow burn instead of a hyper-ambitious “learn-everything-now!” endeavor. I like watching Youtube tutorials on modeling in Blender but I’m not forcing myself to learn it all at once.

Yesterday I took off work early and the Wife, Elsa and I went to Peoria. We ate at Texas Roadhouse and went to Costco. It was my first time shopping there. I was impressed with all the hard goods they have compared to Sam’s Club. I think I prefer Costco over Sam’s because of this fact.

Then we went to Barnes and Nobles to get some books. I’ve gotten used to having a good compelling read to carry around with me, or to read in the tub, or to read before I go to bed. Some of the latest audiobooks and physical books have not kept my interests and I’m not in the mood to force myself to read something I don’t want. I know that these are exactly the kinds of books I should be reading, because of this fact, because they will expand my mind. But I can’t muster up the energy right now. But I got Naked Economics, The Design of Everyday Things, and The Art of Logic in an Illogical World. These looked like interesting books. They were all judged to be good by the covers lol.

I also got the latest issue of Make magazine. They had a big write up on 3D Printing. The last piece of my guitar just got done printing this morning. This is a sturdier version of the last guitar I printed. I’m donating it to the school for the music program auction. I like supporting the programs my kids are in. But I’m also trying to position myself as top-of-mind to others, like if they need something printed, or some guitar playing done, or some French spoken, or maybe some mish-mash of all these hobbies I have, they would think of me. These hobbies have to coalesce into something, sooner or later. Hopefully they fuse into something before I lose my job. I was able to establish myself as the Bitcoin guy before, so I know that careful placement of posts on Facebook have a way of spreading info around town. I would like to be known for something useful/creative here around this area, just so if I were to lose my job I would have some other opportunities carved out before we would have to move or I would have to take some crappy job carrying around 50lb bags of seed or slaughtering hogs.

This year we had a February 29th. It’s nice to have an extra day 🙂

Yesterday was Jack’s wrestling sectionals in Vandalia. Jack and his teammates rode the bus down there Friday night as the school paid for the team to stay in hotels. Otherwise they would have had to leave at like 5AM Saturday. The wife, Elsa and I went to Springfield Friday night and picked up Laina. Then we went to Scheels so I could charge the car up to 98% while we at at Casa Real, whose apparently specialize in the finest Indian-Mexican dining around.

We got to the hotel with 67% battery remaining. This was good because it meant that we wouldn’t have to drive 30 miles out of the way to Effingham to charge there to get home. They’re building a charging station in Vandalia as I type but it wasn’t ready yet. I decided to leave Sentry on all night. We woke up and the battery was 63%, which is normal drain.

We were fearing for the worst for the hotel stay. It only had about 2 stars for review. One reviewer mentioned bed bugs. And there were going to be five of us staying on two queen beds. But luckily the beds were clean and comfortable. It was probably the best $80 I spent on a hotel stay.

Jack and I got up and ate breakfast with the team. Then they took off for the school. The family and I then went to get coffee and made our way to the school too.

Jack ended up falling just shy of making it to state. He lost his first match, had a bye for the second round, then won by forfeit. Then he wrestled a kid from Roxanne who had just won his last match 16-3. It didn’t look good for the first two rounds as Jack was on his stomach the whole time, trying to avoid being flipped over. This continued late into the third round. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Jack was able to flip the kid over and lay on top of him. Then the ref slapped the mat, signaling the pin, and us in the crowd went crazy! It was truly one of my happiest moments for Jack. He showed a lot of heart to be able to come back and win. And Jack was always gracious in defeat and victory. There was one kid we saw who threw a fit after winning, slapping away his opponent’s handshake and then yelling at the ref.

Jack lost his next match, for fourth place (alternate to State). He made so much progress and matured so much over the year. I’m so proud of him. We all are so proud of him.

The 3D printing continues unabated. It turned out to be more fun then I imagined. I turned our school’s Tiger logo into a 3D file. The lady who created the flat file sent me the vector file in .ai format. I was able to use Inkspace to export it as .svg. Then I exported that into Blender and started the long task of grouping all the vector meshes by color. Then I extruded the meshes to create depth. Since the printer only prints one color at a time I had to layer the different colors on top of each other. It took a long time to do but it was fun to have a little project like this that I could throw myself into. I was in the flow on Saturday night. Elsa stayed up with me until 1AM, playing her computer game. We listened to David Sanborn smooth jazz all night. It was fun! I was really proud of seeing the file come together because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it in the first place. I also printed a bigfoot for RT, a shark for Robyn, and a Cardinals logo for building Nick’s nameplate.

So it’s been a while since I posted, mainly because my hearing has really went downhill lately and it’s not something I necessarily wanted to talk about and commit to posterity. I felt like the tinny metallic ringing had gotten worse and my high end and low end hearing basically went away. So I was stuck with this mid-range notch in my audible perception and it made hearing someone like Elsa very difficult. Even with my hearing aids in it was hard. The aids are good at boosting the high end frequencies but this was something else.

I was in a pretty deep funk about all of this. I stepped up my mindfulness game in order to get a handle on my feelings. Mindfulness meditation is great; it’s really made a change in my life and has brought me a lot of peace. Basically I can sit and meditate and let all my mind build new neuron paths for my emotions. The old neuron paths (the worn, deep grove paths) that my anxiety had followed through my life start to be used less and less. It’s really a magical, non-pharmaceutical method for bringing calmness and peace to my inner world. Basically I’m letting my subconscious do all the worrying for me, behind the scenes, while my conscious mind if free to think about whatever it is I want to think about.

So anyway I’ve being doing some meditation, to accept my fate with my hearing and be at peace with it. But then I thought to try Flonase again, in case it was something in my sinuses that was the issue with my ears. That didn’t help but I’ve been taking one Claritin every morning for the past three days, and that helps….maybe? I don’t know, but yesterday was the best my hearing has been in months. I feel like the earmuffs were taken off my ears and I could hear more frequencies again. I’ve even been three days without using my hearing aids, because I feel like I don’t need them.

So I don’t know if this is some miracle cure or if it’s just part of a cycle of my hearing issues. There’s been a few times since last August when I thought my problems were leveling off and everything was going to be okay only to have the beeping start up the next day and last for all day. Then the cycle starts over again. But I would be happy with what I have today. There’s still a high end ringing in my ears but it’s more like my “normal” tinnitus that I’ve had for over 10 years. I can ignore that pretty easily. It’s just when this “new” tinnitus and the whistling and beeping show up that I get very distracted and very immersed in it.

In other news….I started reading “How to Not Give a F*ck” book, which is the last of the books the wife got me for Christmas. I’ve also started on audibooks “Anti-Fragility” by Nicholas Talib and some book about how we don’t see objective reality. And I’ve stopped reading/listening to all of these books. Why? Because I don’t see the point in them. They all follow a them about how what we see and do now is wrong, and that we need to allow more creative destruction in our lives. But why allow this? In order to make our lives better. Ok, that’s a valid argument. But the point I don’t see is, why should we willingly allow destruction in our lives, to make it better? Wouldn’t we have to allow more and more destruction, with the goal of making our lives better and better? This is not a worldview I subscribe to. I am always striving for perfection even though I know that perfection is impossible. I’m already well aware of Buddhist principles that suffering is part of life, and that desire leads to suffering. Maybe I’m already in-tune with these books that to finish reading them would seem like an exercise in boredom. And the book about objective reality is kinda cool; it gives all these mathematical proofs that the world we experience through our five senses has been shaped by evolution. Our senses have been sharpened by experiences that help us to survive and reproduce. There is an objective reality but we don’t experience it fully because evolution has changed the way we experience it. This, to me, is all well and good. It’s a nice thought experiment. But what’s the point? Is there some benefit to us humans knowing that we don’t experience objective reality? There’s no way for us to escape our five senses to see what reality really is, so what’s the point in talking about it? There could be some hippies come along and tout the benefits of mind-altering drugs, in order to see reality for what it is. But is this really true, that one could take drugs and see behind the curtain? I doubt it, because everyone has their own separate experience on these drugs. (I myself have never taken any, I’m just going on what I read). But if different people routinely and consistently saw the same images and had the same phenomenon while on these drugs then I’d say, yeah, there’s something real and interesting going on.

Today is the happiest financial day of the year for me. It’s when I get my bonus and get to pay bills. I love paying bills. Seriously, I get endorphins flowing when I doing the books, balance our accounts, and pay all the outstanding bills. I think I like this because there was a stretch in my life when I was living paycheck to paycheck, and bills were hard to pay sometimes. But now I pay them off as soon as I get them. It’s a wonderful feeling. I’ve never forgotten how hard life used to be.

The 3D printing is going along nicely. It’s really fun now that people are coming up with requests for me to print different items. All of my other hobbies are pretty much self-serving, but this one is nice. I like to use my creativity to make things for others. I’m really trying to get more in depth with the Blender 3D modeling program, because that’s where the money is (if there were any money to be made in this hobby lol). Anyone can download a file and print it out, but few can actually create the objects in the first place. And also this is a hobby that seems right up my alley. I’ve learned the hard way up to now that I’m not really good with using my hands to build or modify. I don’t have the patience. But I can stare at a screen like nobodies business.

I’m finishing up printing a cinderwing dragon for Emma. I just made a nameplate for the Wife’s coworker. I’m printing a better 3D guitar so I can donate it for the school’s fundraiser. I’ve got a bunch of other stuff I’d like to print. But that’s one of the things I noticed about this hobby. Well, there’s actually two things I noticed:

1. It is very satisfying and calming to watch the printer print. It’s taking a raw material (plastic filament) and literally creating something new before your eyes. I know that under the hood it’s all machine code, telling the extruder where to go on the X, Y and Z axis. But it’s still magical to look at a blank plate and what the printer go to work, dutifully, like a bee building a hive.
2. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to delay gratification for anything. The dragon I’m printing now takes 24 hours to finish. That means in that time, I can’t print anything else. I can look online at other items I’d like to print. I can download the files, get them prepped, and load them on the printer. But I can’t actually print anything until the current object is done. So I get to build up anticipation and excitement for the next item to go. But we live in a world now of instant gratification – we can play any song on demand, watch any video, buy any object online, have someone shop and deliver food to us….It’s just been a long time since I’ve had to sit and wait for something I wanted. So this means that we are in the infancy of 3D printing, with all this waiting. Someday there will be printers and methods that are so fast and good, that I’ll be saying “I remember when it took a whole goddammed day to print a dragon like that!”

Elsa starts track practice next week. Emma has track practice now, plus she has Elite Choir musical practice, plus the Opera House musical practice. She is busy. Jack is sick, he has no voice. He was drawing his words out on the fridge last night, like some game of Pictionary. He is supposed to have Regionals for wrestling tomorrow in Pittsfield. We’ll see.

Today is our 15 year wedding anniversary. I got the wife a stuffed baboon decked out with crystal earrings and a gold paper clip bracelet. I don’t know what to say other than that I love this woman, I love being married to her, and I love the institution of marriage in general. When we got married all that time ago in Las Vegas I thought that I was embarking on an exciting new chapter in the book of my life. Since then, and over the years, I come to realize that I don’t like this metaphor anymore. My life is not sequential chapters, and I’ve discarded the idea of my life as a book. The life I have now is perfect for me. It’s certainly more than I could have ever imagined. This is where I am now and forever. No more chapters to be written. There will certainly be more ups and downs throughout our lives but with the wife beside me these will all just be events to deal with and to overcome. I’m very conscious of the fact that she works so hard in all aspects of her life. I try to work hard too to give back to her as much as I take. I never take the state of our relationship for granted. In this since I’m always trying to “date” her, like I’m always trying to better myself to make myself more attractive to her, in hopes that she would marry me all over again.

Yesterday I woke up Jack at 5AM and took him to the bus for his wrestling meet in Chatham. Then the wife and I went over there at 9AM and sat on cramped, hard plastic bleachers for 5 hours to watch four simultaneous matches in a gym. Wrestling seems to have lost it’s luster especially now that baseball is around the corner. That is Jack’s passion, sport-wise, and mine as well. He’s not going to go track this year. Normally his mother and I would be all over him to do some sporting event like this for the spring. But he matter-of-factly stated that he doesn’t like track, he’s not going to do it, he’s going to do another activity (scholastic bowl) in it’s place, and he will work out at the gym every night to stay in shape. He’s still just 13 years old but seems very confident in these choices. He sounds like he’s at the age of reason where he can make choices like this for himself. I remember being around this age and being so stubborn. If there was something I didn’t want to do, I would not do it, end of story. I wouldn’t give some drawn-out explanation or reason or excuse. I just would refuse. This is why I have to laugh when I hear experts talk about “how to get high schoolers to do X, Y or Z.” Like, “how do we get high schoolers more interested in math?” And then there’s lots of discussion from experts about how to implement this idea. And then it gets introduced to the schools. And then teachers have to teach it and they get judged and graded on how well the high school kids learn it. And if the teachers don’t teach it successfully the get passed around to other schools or demoted. And then the school ends up on a state watch list. All of this because kids are stubborn; I don’t want to learn this damn math when I’m in high school and there’s nothing teachers can do to make me learn it or be interested in it. Lol. It’s sad that some much hubris is created and so many adults lives are affected just because teenagers have their own agenda. I don’t know. I know that teachers and educators have a job and a mission to educate children, using whatever methods are available. They can’t just give up on kids. I just hope their mindful that sometimes it’s not a failure of the teachers. Sometimes teenagers are just stubborn arseholes.

Today is also the Super Bowl. I guess I’m rooting for the Chiefs because they’re the closest team to me. And Kansas City is a cool place. Everyone else is rooting for Taylor Swift lol.

There’s been so much work at my job to ensure the Super Bowl video is a trouble-free as possible. There are quiet periods around the Super Bowl to ensure that no network activity is going on that may disrupt the game. There is more activity this year than previous years, for this event. But live sports are our bread-and-butter. As more live sports go to streaming I’m left wondering – how do I still have a job? When I started this job 16 years ago I thought it would last 5 years then I’d move on to something else. But I’m still employed today. I’ve been prepping for the day my job ends ever since my job began. I’m always trying to improve my skillset. I’ve gotten an MBA which I haven’t used because my current job is so awesome. We’ve got zero debt except our mortgage, and even that is an enviable ONE POINT EIGHT FRICKIN’ FIVE interest rate. We’ve got the six month emergency savings. We have everything in place for the (maybe) inevitable day when my awesome job ends. And I have to accept this. In order for new awesome jobs to be easily created, you have to allow for old awesome jobs to be easily destroyed. This is creative destruction, an essential part of capitalism. I don’t want to lose my job because it has great health insurance, which is crazy expensive to purchase on the open market. And I’m also 48 or 49 years old, which means I’m OLD; The main skill I have to offer to another company at this age is wisdom and experience, which probably means I would have to be some sort of people-leader if I wanted to make the same salary I make now. And I don’t identify as a good leader or boss. My dream is to last at least another 15-20 years at my job and retire. That’s the best outcome.

I had a good visit with my friend John on Friday. He had mentioned that he thought both his wife and himself were losing their jobs. I was personally worried for them and wanted to see what the situation was. But I was also curious to see if this was part of a larger layoff trend going around. Since I don’t go out and talk much to real actual people, talking to John was my closest barometer of what the employment weather was like. I was pleased to hear that he wasn’t losing his job. He thought he might be in jeopardy but only because of some weird backstory going on, which is why I like John. He is hilarious. He and I are a lot alike in our interests. He is really the only one of my friends where we can sit and talk for hours about work and interests and above-the-board stuff like that. My other friends, we talk about more grounded real-life personal stuff. Which is cool, but I like to talk to John about crazy stuff. I was telling him how I have all these hobbies and interests and was hoping that they all converge at some point in the future, like everything will coalesce into some uber-hobby that maybe even makes some money! But we both agreed that, living in the rural area we do, our hobbies will probably be nothing more than amateur pursuits. John is also cool because he and I are sort of in the same salary range, so I can talk to him about my hobbies and goings-on without feeling conscious about my lifestyle. I know this is kind of a crappy, classist way to look at friendships (and life). But it’s there, especially since I’m acutely aware of status symbols and conspicuous consumption and class structure. Maybe someday I’ll lose my job, the wife will lose her job, and we will all be back at square one. This doesn’t bother me so much, going back to a less prosperous lifestyle. What scares me is the very idea of being ok with being broke, of losing ambition for doing bigger and better things.  Ambition is free, I keep forgetting that. No one can take it away from me. But I’m afraid of ambition being beaten into the ground by a crappy job. But a crappy job has always enhanced my ambition. These jobs have always focused my ambitions and goals with a laser-like precision. 

Emma had her senior night for the dance team on Friday night. Soon she will be out of school and the wife and I will see where she can get a job. After our summer cruise I will do the paperwork for her to change her last name to match the rest of us. Too much hassle to modify her passport now. Also, our July trip has morphed from a San Diego focused trip to a more reasonable LA trip. This is better, because we’re going to be flying into LAX anyway and picking up the Toro rental there. If we stayed at our original AirBNB then we would be in the VAN for an hour or more just to go anywhere. So now we have a house in Anaheim. Our San Diego excursion will probably only be a trip to the zoo and Padres game on July 30. Luckily we will be way closer to Universal Studios and Disneyland. Ted will be us. Matt might be with us. Laina might be with us. It is turning out to be an awesome experience all around. 

I’ve been 3D printing like crazy lately. I got my Prusaguitar done and assembled. I put some pictures and videos up on Facebook to show what I’ve made. My real motive for putting stuff on FB is for people to see it and associate 3D Printing with Me. And who knows, maybe is someone needs something printed they will think of me first. I did this same thing a couple of years ago when I made a post about Bitcoin. Then when I went to a gas station to play with their Bitcoin/Crypto ATM the attendant there talked about “someone in town who was really good with Bitcoin.” I’m sure she was talking about me, unless there’s someone else more successful than I in this town of 6,500 people. I doubt it. It was also the case when I had my computer repair business. I liked to work on computers but more importantly I wanted to establish myself as a knowledgable computer person to all these customers I was networking with. And then maybe that would lead to getting a job offer, and out of the job I absolutely hated at the time. Maybe this is why my Dad always had some side-hustle going on, whether it was making moccasins, selling night crawlers, creating bizarre methods to track lotto numbers…he was looking for some way to get out of his job and make money elsewhere. 

Yesterday we all went to St. Louis to do some shopping. The weather has been too cold for the past 3-4 weekends to go out an do anything but yesterday was around 50 degrees. So we had a plan to get up early and head out to buy some stuff we’d been wanting.

We piled into the truck and left at 8:30 AM to pick up RT. We took the truck because of IKEA and needing to load some furniture, if needed. We headed out and stopped at Buck’s Crossing to gas up and get some breakfast. Then we headed down to the Chesterfield outlet mall. I was thinking of driving across the river to see the Cybertruck as advertised that was being detailed at a shop. But I decided that, in a few years, there will be plenty of Cybertrucks out there to see. 

Personally I would love to have a CT. My wife, however, wouldn’t. But wow, I would buy one of those things and pretend I was 10 years-old all over again. I love the design. I love Elon Musk wanted to have something different out there, something not old and boring, and that he pushed it through to the end. I’m kind of surprised that these vehicles are actually being manufactured. In the philosophical sense, it shows that one person CAN make a difference. One person can push their vision through. The future is not a predetermined linear path that we all more or less have to follow. The future is decided by conscious thoughts today.

So anyway, we didn’t see the CT. But we arrived early at the outdoor mall. I was concerned that it was going to be uber-packed, like the malls we saw in Orlando. I was afraid that my brain is riding this wavelength that all these other brains are on, and that thousands of people would also decide that hey, today is a great day to go shopping.

Luckily there were just a few people out shopping this early. I got some new Nike’s to replace my beloved shoes; the shoes that were the best I’ve ever owned. They were slip on and fit like a glove. I could easily walk and run in them. And they didn’t cut off my circulation like so many laced shoes do. But they were at the end of their life. The tread was non-existent. So I replaced them with the next best shoe I could find. I’m kinda shocked that I could not find an exact replacement online for my old pair. I’m used to being able to find any item I could imagine, somewhere out there on the web.

Elsa and Emma got some track shoes, Jack got some new shoes, and I went and got some new jeans at Levi’s. Then we headed out to Microcenter.

Microcenter is one of those places that I cannot believe I did not know about sooner. I only discovered it about a year ago, when we were supercharging and walking around. I always envisioned Microcenter as this small computer repair shop so I never thought much about it. But we went in and I discovered Nerd Heaven. I like it even more know that I have a 3D printer. They have a wide array of filaments. Jack and Elsa picked out some colors and I got white, black and orange. They have different materials too. Someday I’ll experiment with something other than PLA filament.

About my printer – I just finished printing the Prusaguitar. It’s a 3D printed guitar body. I purchased the recommended Telecaster kit from Thomann, to round it out. The body is printed but it’s still more practical to use a real wood neck and headstock just because of the string tension. That kit should arrive in a couple of days so I’ll see how well the guitar performs after it’s all assembled. I’m hoping it goes well because I could see myself designing all sorts of bodies. This was one of the reasons I wanted to get into 3D printing in the first place. As far as making action figures, that probably won’t become a reality until I can find a better way to scan people, and until Prusa comes out with their attachment that allows multiple colors to be printed on one object. Scanning people is hard because they move around, even ever so slightly. I would have to build some array of cameras and lights and poles, so that I could do a full scan in one instant. I have built other crazy homemade stuff before, like the electronic drum set I built in college. I don’t doubt I could do it, it’s just if the technology exists for this to be built at home, in the first place. But wow, it would be cool to be able to scan people and print out a figure of them. Maybe have one of those photobooth things at parties, where I could scan and sit around for 1.5 days while it prints lol.

Microcenter is also like a Rush concert, wherein I will see what I look like when I get older (I was informed by my family that I’m already “old”). I guess I’m going to own a black leather jacket soon, based on the people I saw. 

Then we went to our last stop at IKEA. RT was amazed at the size of the place. That made me happy for some reason. Maybe it’s just getting to experience things through other people’s eyes, things they see for the first time, and I get some sympathetic feelings as well. I remember my first time going to IKEA and just absolutely loving it. I love the little apartment living places they have set up. I think I love it because everything looks well-designed and clean. But I also love that everything is presented as a total living package. I don’t have to pick and choose random items from yard-sales and stores and hope that everything meshes well in my house. At IKEA everything goes with everything else. My whole life I’ve never cared about design. It was only when I got married and lived through the Great Recession that my life took a big philosophical turn. I learned that well designed items are elegant and beautiful, just like math is elegant and beautiful. 

I think the wife and I are at a point where we moving beyond IKEA and looking to get better made furniture, stuff that will last us the rest of our lives. IKEA serves a great purpose for people who like good design on a budget. But having said all of this we still bought a table for my office and a sideboard. The table will be for all my Lego buildings. They’re kinda getting out of control. But these are modular Lego buildings which, like IKEA, are well designed and well thought out. This is the critic’s dilemma I’m facing; I know from my time being in a band and writing songs, and from my time creating commercials, that I’m not a creative person. Well, I’m not as creative as I’d like to be. I try to balance my brain between creativity and technicality – not being absolutely good at either but being average at both. But I like to believe that the more I study design and architecture and user experiences that I’m becoming a better critic. I like to think that I could explain to a layperson why something is good art/design and why something is bad. So I can roundly criticize something for being awful even though I can not create very well myself. The way I avoid this hypocrisy is by roundly celebrating and fêting great art and great design. I feel like this is what the late great movie critic Roger Ebert would do. His criticism of movies were more entertaining than the movies themselves. But he himself couldn’t create a good movie. He could only recognize greatness when other people achieved it. 

After we loaded up the truck we headed home. I missed riding in the Tesla because there are podcasts and the whole musical library available at my fingertips. But it was nice to listen to FM radio for the day. You never know which song you’re going to discover. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about Fascism. Is it the opposite of Communism? Or is it just another type of authoritarianism? Is Capitalism the opposite of Communism? Just trying to determine where I’m at on this spectrum. I know I’ll never be Communist. But what about Socialism? Isn’t national defense the largest social program ever? Aren’t roads and our highway system a huge boon to Capitalism, but yet payed for with taxes? Isn’t our tax-payed court system another boon for the rule-of-law, which is needed for Capitalism? Isn’t the fact that a corporation is a separate entity, totally outside of the people involved with it, a government supported act? It seems like there is a point where everyone is going to have to submit part of their autonomy to the greater good. The crux is finding out what needs to be sacrificed, and by whom, and when, and to what extent. I know these questions have been discussed for over 2,000 years and we still don’t know for sure, or else we wouldn’t still be discussing it. Is there a way to ever know for sure? Or do you just have to put the book down, decide on a path to follow, and get on with your life? All I really know for sure is that I love my family (and being married), I love free trade, and I love going to Cardinal’s opening day. 

The wife is watching Love on the Spectrum on Netflix. I might have covered this before, but, am I on the spectrum? Or am I just an asshole (sometimes, never intentionally)? I seriously pitched the idea to the wife of us writing a book together. It would be called How to be Human. She would do most of the writing, based on how she has taught so many autistic and special people throughout her life on how to fit in to social norms. I would add my anecdotes on how I used to think and perceive the world versus how I look at things now that I’ve had my wife gently and patiently steer me for the last 16 years.

Today is January 25th already. It seems like we were just celebrating New Years Eve in Florida, now this month is almost over.

I took Mom to the audiologist Tuesday morning. He did a check of her ears and saw wax on her eardrum. He could not do the hearing test until this wax was removed, so I took mom to Springfield Clinic prompt care. We got right in and the nurses flushed out her ears. It was disgusting how much wax they got out. I’m about to throw up just thinking about it lol. But she immediately could hear better. It’s times like this that I think modern medicine is a miracle. Mom was crying she was so happy. 

We then went back to the audiologist and got right in for the hearing test. They had a nice pair of hearing aids in stock so Mom got those. So in the span of three hours Mom went from being near-complete deafness (lasted six weeks) to getting her normal hearing back, to getting ab0ve-normal hearing with the addition of her hearing aids. I am so happy for her. I felt bad because I didn’t like going over to her house, knowing that I had to literally yell in her good ear for her to hear me. It’s not conducive for any sort of conversation. But now she’s back to normal and I feel like my life is back to normal too. I know that I can go over and talk to her, and maybe more importantly she can go out and do things with our family again. She had been holed up this whole time her hearing was out. The whole situation makes me wonder what my life will be like when I’m older. My main hope is that I am not a burden on anyone else in my family. Like, if the wife were to pass away and I lived on my own and my hearing was bad and I couldn’t get around, I don’t know what I would do. I want my kids to have their own lives and not have to care for me. Maybe I should bump up my retirement funds lol. 

We booked another vacation, this time for a San Diego trip towards the end of July. Of course there’s a ballgame planned. Petco Park is supposed to be one of the best ballparks in the majors. I can’t wait to see it. I would also like to slip away to Pittsburgh for a couple of days this summer to see the ballpark there, which is usually #1 on the list of best ballparks. I’d also like to see Fallingwater, just because Frank Lloyd Wright is that cool.

We had some credits and vouchers left over to use for Southwest airlines so this trip already is inexpensive. I would have liked to flown into the San Diego airport; Besides going to new ballparks I also like to go to new airports. But alas it was much cheaper to fly into LAX.

We found an awesome AirBNB in between LA and San Diego. It’s a ranch out in the country and the price is super reasonable. It’s almost too good to be true, but it has a 4.9 star rating and over 100 reviews. It also sleeps 10 people. I know Ted will most likely go with us. Laina may go too. I got a good deal on a van through Turo. It feels like once again we are the masters of planning cheap yet awesome vacations!

We plan on going to Universal Studios while we’re out there, mainly to go to Super Mario Land. This is Emma’s big excitement, and it’s honestly pretty exciting for me too. I remember being in like 5th or 6th grade and one of my friends telling me about this awesome arcade game at Pizza Hut called Super Mario Brothers. We played the heck out of it. One time it was zero degrees out and we still walked to Pizza Hut to play this game and eat delicious pizza. I remember it being so friggin’ cold (the weather, not the pizza). This was back when Pizza Hut was thee place to go. It was such a fun and inviting atmosphere, and everyone knew everybody else and our town was tight-knit and there was no internet or social media and blah blah blah I’m old…..

So we will check out Super Mario Land and the ballgame. We will go to the beach in San Diego, maybe going hiking in Joshua Tree, and we will definitely go to the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. It was originally going to be four full days in San Diego but the AirBnB was such a good deal that now we’re spending five whole days there. This trip will be after the summer musical is done, so there won’t be any guilt on our part for us missing play practice. Jack may miss some ballgames if he’s on the all-star team, but who knows. This summer is jam packed now, which rehearsals, ballgames and trips. Maybe next year we can do our long road trip up to Quebec and the northeast US. We also want to go back to Alaska before Ted decides to move. God willing, the wife and I would like to go to Europe when the kids are out of school.

I just finished my audiobook on European History 1500-2000AD yesterday. I’m kind of burnt out now on history. I’m going to take some time before I decide what my next audiobook will be. I’ve learned all this European history and it seems like it’s nothing but one war after another. I was hoping to take away some universal truth about war and diplomacy after reading/hearing about all this history, but there are no hard and fast rules. Well, I guess the best quote I heard was “There’s no such thing as permanent alliances, only permanent interests.” This kind of reinforces what I believed before, that the best way to influence people is to appeal to their self-interests. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with this approach. 

There’s ways that nations can deal with each other, and then there’s ways that individuals can negotiate with each other. It’s different. Nations (and corporations and organizations) have to evolve or die. They have to evolve because theoretically a nation could last forever. But individuals do not last forever. What is the point of an individual evolving then? I think an individual should evolve because that is what growth is all about, and growth makes us better. I was telling Jack last night that, while it’s good to have your principles and beliefs and to stick to them, always be open-minded and challenge your beliefs as well. If you’re open-minded and take in new information it may change your old beliefs and make you a better, more well-rounded person. Or you can take in new information that strengthens your already held beliefs. Either way, be curious, active and open-minded.

I got my 3D printer up and going and have been printing like a damned fool lately. I love experimenting with it. I did some 3D scans of the kids and printed them out. Even though it’s low quality, I’m amazed at the possibilities! I’m getting closer to one of my life-long dreams of being able to create my own action figures. There’s a lot of room for improvement in this realm of 3D printing. I feel like I’m on the ground floor of something big though. Something huge will happen, probably the meshing of AI with 3D printing; it will change the world as we know it.

We’ve had a lot of snow days lately, where school has been cancelled. It’s either been snowy or icy out. Today it’s foggy as all heck. 

I’m reading a book now, Atomic Habits. So far it’s pretty good. It’s about how habits are slow to build, but over time have huge results. I need to get back into the habit of eating better, but the quality of apples have been terrible lately. I can buy one bag of Envy or Snapdragon apples, and they will be 100% perfect, but the next bag could be awful. Having chocolate cake around the house doesn’t help either lol. If there is cake, I will eat it. I’m still hovering around the 175lb range, which is decent, but I need to get back on track down to the 170lb range. This is where my shirts and jeans fit more comfortably, and I have a better overall self-image. I’m still doing my workout routine every day. It’s not much, but at least it’s consistent.

Today is the one year anniversary of my first post here. It’s been good for my brain, to type out what’s on my mind and also for record-keeping of our adventures. There’s been times that big pressing philosophical or social questions have been swirling around, and when I come here and post it helps sort things out and let me move on to other issues. Just the act of typing on the keyboard is therapeutic in that sense.

We modified our Disney trip this summer to just the cruise. We are unsure if we’re really going to like the cruise, so we didn’t want to add any extra excitement. I think there’s just malaise from our Melbourne trip being too long (7 days), the last thing we want is another 7 day vacation. First world problems, for sure lol.

Also we’re not making the mistake we made last year and book too many summer vacations before knowing what the kids’ schedules will look like. I don’t want Elsa to miss a lot of musical rehearsals, and I don’t want Jack to miss baseball games. The wife suggested trips to San Diego and Pittsburgh, both cities I’ve never seen baseball games in. I’ve been to Pittsburgh for work and really it’s either the most or second-most beautiful city I’ve been too (Vancouver being the other). Just seeing all the rivers and bridges surrounded by the tall cliffs, it’s very pretty. I’d like to sneak in a trip to Quebec City too, since it’s 25 years since I went to school there. The wife wants to do a big road trip to the Northeast though, and I doubt we can fit that in this year. 

We’re going to see Billy Joel and Stevie Nicks (again), this time in Chicago on June 21. This time we’re taking Jack and Elsa with us. My first concert was seeing Billy Joel in St Louis back in 1987 when I was 11 years old. It was a life changing event for me, when I wanted to become a musician. There’s something special about liking someone and their music at this young age. It was before I got older and more sophisticated/critical/discriminatory about the music I listened to. Billy Joel’s music is embedded in my psyche and I don’t judge any of it. The music is what it is, his songs are joyous, his concerts are uplifting, and that’s all I need to know.

We also have Cardinal’s Opening Day in April plus a total solar eclipse a few days later. I made the correct choice in taking the kids out of school about 5 years ago to see that total solar eclipse, which was a magical event. Everyone needs to experience at least once. 

My 30th High School reunion is this year. I probably won’t go, as I never do, but man….30 years. I think that I’ve been productive with my time out of school. I went to community college, then university, then had three cool jobs (and one awful one), got married, had great kids, got my MBA, and traveled a lot. I can’t complain.

I’m getting ready to go to Wal-Mart to buy Trivial Pursuit. It turns out Jack is a trivia master just like his old man. We all played some trivia earlier today, and I could see the Trivia Hulk coming out in him. 

The kids are watching Bob’s Burgers on Hulu at the moment. It’s a great show. I’m surprised at how, in this day and age, it’s has such anglo-centric dialogue. It’s full of puns and double entendres and slang that you really need to know English and American culture to understand. It’s different from watching new movies, which are stripped of any sort of edge or culture in the name of being accessible to audiences worldwide. Plus Bob’s Burgers features a Dad who is NOT a bumbling fool and a Mom who is NOT a unfallable rock that holds the family together. It’s pretty old school in this respect.

I’m still working out, got my weight down to the 172-174 lbs range which is fine. I’m not starving myself but I don’t eat like crazy. All in moderation.

I just finished the first of the books the wife got me for Christmas. It was The Psychology of Money. I thought that I knew all there was to know about money and investing but the book showed me otherwise. It basically shows that the best investments are the ones that maximize the amount of sleep you get at night. It’s okay to not be a cold hard rational person with money, because we are human. We should be reasonable with money, but not strictly rational. Now I’m reading Ikigai, about the Japanese philosophy of completeness. In a way all of the books I’ve read over the past two years are all converging to a single point. Whether it’s about psychology, sociology, finances, economics, philosophy, etc…they all point the same type of personality that we should all strive to attain. The serenity prayer sums it up in my opinion. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

There are just things that are outside our control, that we shouldn’t fret about. And there are things we can control. We are all on a journey to discover and refine the wisdom to know the difference between the two. 

The wife wanted to know if I was blogging about the brownies she made. Yes, I’m blogging about them. They were delicious.

We had a perfect start to our Christmas break here at home that we kinda didn’t want to leave for our trip to Melbourne. But we went anyway. I got up at 3AM and we all left at 4AM to head to Lambert Airport.

I charged the car up to 99% battery and we ended with 48% when I parked. I thought that I would have to charge somewhere before we parked but I figured 48% was enough to last for 7 days.

We flew down in stormy weather. It was really the worst turbulence I’ve had in a long time. I still managed to take a nap and watch one of the YouTube videos I downloaded; the History of Europe. I was curious to see what my ears would do with the change in air pressure. I let my ears get full and pop on their own. It didn’t do anything to change the noise in them. Oh well.

When we landed we got our luggage and made way to the Turo. It was nice this time because we didn’t have to meet up with the van owner. He had a keybox on the window that I opened with the code.

We had some time before our house was ready so we made way to Disney Springs. We ate at The Edison, which was a good restaurant with great cheeseburgers. I wanted to go into the Lego store but the line to get in wrapped all the way around the building, so we moved on. I think I’m spoiled by our trips during the COVID years of 2020-2021. During these two years there weren’t as many people out and about. But now it seems that wherever we go, everyone else has the same idea. So most every placed is packed.

After leaving Disney Springs we made our way to Melbourne. I was right tired at this point and it was a arduous task just to stay awake for the last 30 minutes. But we made it to the house and was truly pleased with it. The beds were big enough, the kitchen was big, the pool and spa were warm.

It was overcast when we arrived, so basically it was the same weather as home only about 20 degrees warmer. I was hoping for some sun, which we did have for a couple days during our stay.

During one of our past Christmas trips to Cocoa Beach we had driven down to Melbourne to see their comically bad light display. It was hard to discern what the two-dimensional shapes and lights were supposed to be. On the way out we were greeted with the “Happy Christmas” sign. But even way further back, in 1996, my friends and I made our way to Melbourne after driving to Orlando. We went there to visit my friends father. Then we went to the beach, which was exciting for me because I’d never seen the ocean before. There was also a hurricane during this time, and I think the beach was closed, but when you’re young and stupid then life is full of wacky adventures.

The day after Christmas it was raining, which meant it was a good time to go to the Kennedy Space Center. Once again, everyone else had the same idea. The parking lot was packed but we eventually made our way in.

I was stoked about seeing space shuttle Atlantis. There’s only 4 or 5 space shuttles left so seeing one in person was a big deal to me. We got to see the Saturn V rocket and a couple of modules. But all in all it was a boring experience. I mean, if you really like the 1960’s then this place is for you. But it was annoying to have to watch not one but two videos before you could go into the exhibit areas. It’s like they wanted to impress upon you the magnificence of what you were about to see, but there was no cohesion amongst the display areas. Like, is this supposed to be in chronological order? Why are the videos so different from each other, theme-wise? What’s the deal with the room that only had seating in the back, so that everyone else felt compelled to sit on the floor? And then at the end Emma wanted to ride the launch simulator only to discover that it was booked solid for the day. You know, KSC really needs the Disney Business Service crew to come in and school them on integration, queue maintenance and user experience.

I kind of was taken aback when I got to see Atlantis. It looks like it’s made out of paper mache. I was expecting a smoother exterior. But it was definitely worth the admission price to see it. Seeing it (and other rockets) in person, I developed a new respect for astronauts that actually went up in the vehicles. There so many hoses and nozzles and wiring and everything. It looks like anything could go wrong with it.

My ear was bothering me this whole day, doing the constant beeping thing. I know that sometimes we have good days and sometimes there’s bad days, but it was driving me nuts to have “good minutes” followed by “bad minutes”. I actually took a Dramamine when we got home because I was ready to try anything. I haven’t had one of those in two months.

Tuesday the 27th we went to the beach. It was about 65 degrees out but sunny. And the water was about 65 degrees as well. I went out up to my waist but didn’t want to get in fully. My father-in-law got knocked down by a couple of waves and lost his glasses. Luckily there was a one-hour lens place that got him in and made him new glasses on the spot. That night we got a couple of huge pizzas. They were ok but not great. My ears were doing great, which kind of pissed me off in a weird way. I didn’t want to the Dramamine to work because it’s not something I want to depend on for the rest of my life. It’s makes me jittery and sleepy. And also I’m not convinced that it really helps. I think my ears just going through phases.

On Thursday the 28th it was raining so I thought it would be a good time to drive to Orlando to do some shopping. I’ve been trying to make it to a Nike outlet store for about two months to get some new shoes. After the 1.5 hour drive we discovered that, yes, everyone and their dog had the same idea – to go shopping. There was no where to park at the first mall location. People were parking on the grass blocks away from the shopping area. And by this time I knew that my in-laws were not up to walking great distances. So we finally got out of that mess to try another mall. We made it to a Best Buy where everyone used the restroom, then we went back home. Total fail on my part to not see that Orlando malls would be packed during the Christmas break during a rainy day.

That night we went out to eat at a seafood place. It was pretty good.

On Friday the 28th my wife again made an outstanding breakfast. In fact every day was a great meal. I wasn’t watching my Points during this trip so I let myself eat whatever I wanted. I was happily shocked when I found out I’d only gained 3 pounds the whole trip. Like, I ate what I thought was a lot of food, but I didn’t drink sugary soda or have any candy. I think that’s the secret to staying around the 172 lbs range.

Then we got ready for our big fishing expedition. We got to the docks and met the captain, who was an affable young guy. Then we went out and trolled with three poles set in the back of the boat. Then we looped back around, then went back out about two miles offshore. Then looped back, then went out. For four hours we did this. I’d thought we would have went about four miles out, stopped the boat, and then cast for four hours. But it was a good experience anyway. We caught 7 mackerel. Everyone had a turn in reeling one in. Then when the trip was over the captain filleted the fish for us and we went back home. My FIL breaded the fillets and fried them up and it was the best tasting fish I’d ever had. Even better than the crappie my dad used to fry.

After this day the wife and I had realized that we had booked the trip for too long. We were ready to go home. Like, five days is a good time to spend on vacation. But we still had two whole days in Melbourne.

Saturday we drove into Cocoa Beach and went to Ron Jon’s Surf Shop. This place is a staple of our Space Coast trips. I was looking for a good ball cap but didn’t see anything I liked. We ate lunch at Long Doggers, which had pretty good cheeseburgers. All in all it wasn’t too expensive eating out. I know that inflation had gotten out of control in the past couple of years (and all the shopping money being spent in Orlando malls is probably a sign that inflationary pressures haven’t worked 100%), but the prices weren’t unreasonable.

Then we went to Golf N Gator for put-putt golf and go-kart action. Everyone had fun with the golf but I felt like we were being rushed. We were a party of 8 and the party behind us was only 2 people. It was okay. I’ve been to fancier mini golf courses before. Then Elsa, Jack and I hit the go-karts. It was pretty fun. It had screens embedded in the track that you could run over and get coins or prizes, like Mario Kart. Those things could move out! I thought I got whiplash when I ran into the wall.

I did enjoy having my long beard I was growing out, plus wearing my long sleeve Norrona shirt I’d bought in Colorado. It was nice to have self-confidence from being thinner and not carrying around my fat gut at the beach.

Then we went to our other staple, getting ice cream at Fat Donkey. I had my lactaid this time lol. I had just about the best chocolate ice cream I’d ever tasted.

That night we shot pool at the little pool table in the house. FIL and Jack played chess. We swam and sat in the hot tub. It was some great downtime. I read more of my book, The Evolving Self. It got really good when the author was explaining how we don’t have to be slaves to our genetic urges. There is a human consciousness/self that, even though we’ve only had for 5,000-10,000 years, is still very powerful. This book is not economics or philosophy like I usually read. It was more straight-up psychology and social science. I could see myself reading more books on these subjects.

Sunday was our last full day in Melbourne. We went to a different beach that was full of shells. This made all of us shell-collectors happy. Elsa and I went out in the water and had some quality time together. Jack continued to dig.

After the beach we went to Bass Pro Shop and then saw Wonka in the theatre. This was an awful movie with awful special effects. Totally predictable with characters I didn’t care about. After the movie we went to Longhorn Steakhouse and I had a very delicious filet mignon. It was a good meal for everyone.

We went back to the house and I fell asleep before New Year’s day. But I got up in time for the countdown and the wife and I and kids were happy.

The next morning we had our last big breakfast and packed up the car to head to the airport. We had like four hours to kill before the flight. The flight back was bumpy, I didn’t sleep at all. I did watch the rest of the Barbie movie, which was surprisingly good. It had deep philosophical journey’s that I didn’t expect to see. 

We got to the car and it was still magically on 48%. The kids and I went to supercharge, got some snacks, and headed home. It’s always nice to get home and see the dogs and cat. It’s great to be in my own bed and my own toilet.

Yesterday the alarm went off at 5:30 AM. I woke up Jack and drove him to school to take the bus for his wrestling match in Lincoln. Then I came home and later got everyone else up to go. We left for Lincoln and got there around 9AM. We saw the final schedule and saw that Jack’s team wouldn’t wrestle until 10AM, and also that the last match was at 4:30! I thought that this would be like the last match in Lincoln, where there were only two other schools. I thought we would be in and out in two hours and then be on our way to Peoria for our annual bowling trip at Bass Pro Shop.

Jack ended up wrestling his first match around 9:30. He got pinned, which was expected. He had to wrestle in the next highest weight class all day, so we weren’t expecting much. This other kid was about a foot taller than Jack. It’s hard to take someone down when they have a larger foot base than you.

In between matches we went to explore downtown Lincoln. We went to a thrift shop and then to some little stores. We had great coffee and mocha and cookies at The Guest House. Then we piled back into the car to go see the next meet.

Jack lost the next meet; it went the whole three rounds. But then his next match he got a pin. Then his team found out that the would be wrestling for the championship later in the day. It got pretty exciting.

We left again to get sandwiches at Jimmy Johns. We headed back to the school to eat in the cafeteria and then it was time for Jack’s team to go. It looked bad at first as the other school had all these automatic wins, from having kids that were in weight classes we didn’t have. But when the actual wrestling started all of our kids were bringing it! It was amazing to see all the great matches, and to be in the crowd with all the other folks from our town. And then Jack had his final match and had another pin!

Our town won and got a big trophy and the kids and coaches were all ecstatic. This was the first match that Laina had ever seen and I told her she was lucky; most of these wrestling meets were pretty boring. This was by far the most exciting one I’d seen for sure.

After the match Jack was hurting. His hip and leg had been scrunched in a hard way during one of the matches. But we all headed out to Peoria to continue our trip. We stopped at Urban Artifacts, which is a cool thrift store. I bought a book on European architecture for my birthday. I consider my self a very amateurish architect, to go along with my love of finances, linguistics and behavioral economics. These are all subjects that I didn’t even know existed while I was growing up in my cow town. Now I feel like I’m scrambling to learn all the time, just to catch up to where I feel I should be.

We went to Bass Pro Shop but along the way I had to check out this crazy mural in downtown Peoria. Years ago someone had painted a Soviet-style painting with the Cookie Monster in it. It was listed in Atlas Obscura so I had to see it for myself.

We went to BPS and took the annual picture in front of the big Christmas tree there. Then we went bowling at the awesome underwater-themed alley. Everyone did equally good (or equally bad) this year. Elsa bowled without the bumpers. I ended up winning with like a 117. Bowling is hard when you don’t ever practice it.

Then we went to charge at the only supercharger in the whole Peoria area. They’re building a new station in East Peoria. It can’t come soon enough. On the way home we ran into crazy fog and drizzle outside of Havana but we still got home around 9PM.

It was a great day. The wrestling match was unexpectedly great and entertaining. Lot’s of core memories made there. And then just hanging out and bowling, especially with all four kids, just spending time together, is priceless. We don’t often just hang except on planned trips and vacations.

Speaking of vacations, the wife is talking to her parents and packing the bags now. We will travel on Christmas Day and plan on going to Disney Springs to hang out until our AirBNB is open. Also we will eat there! We hadn’t really thought about it before, but nothing is open on Christmas day. We will take plenty of snacks so we survive through the night lol.

Today is my birthday. I believe I’m 48. I’ll have to double check. Emma has a sore throat. I may have to take her to prompt care. Luckily they take our insurance again so I don’t have to go to the other prompt care where one has to wait 3 hours to be seen.

The steroids don’t seem to be doing anything for my ears. Oh well, no harm in trying. I’m going to see about going to a real ENT to see if they can suggest anything.

I made an appointment for mom to get hearing aids. She tried mine on and loved them.

Yesterday was the start of my vacation. I won’t go back to work until January 2nd. This will be my longest break ever. Next year will be a crazy start as our budget starts over and everyone will be hitting me up for capital projects.

The wife and I went out Saturday evening for a Trivia Night at the local opera house. We ended up on a team that a couple of older people who knew a lot of stuff. That, combined with what I and the wife know, led us to victory. There were 6 teams altogether. It was good to see support for rebuilding the opera house. The place looks so much nicer than when I was last there 4-5 years ago. 

Tuesday I went to the audiologist to turn in my hearing aids. He convinced me to keep trying them, as my it would take my brain a while to get adjusted to the new sounds it was hearing. So I’ve been wearing them more, trying to determine if they’re worth keeping or not. I know that someday I’ll really really need hearing aids, and I’ll depend on them, but I’m not sure if today is that day. They did really help during the trivia night. I mean, I’d like to keep them around if for nothing else but to use in noisy group situations. But that’s a lot of money to tie up for something I may not use a lot. I will take them to our trip to Florida then decided what to do with them when we get home.

Speaking of our Florida trip, I’m getting excited about it. A couple months ago, when all my hearing problems started, I was really in a funk and not looking forward to doing anything. But I’ve gotten so use to my ears now that it doesn’t really bother me. I know we will have a great time in Florida and I will look back on the trip with fond memories, not even knowing that I had all this hearing stuff going on. I do have an appointment this afternoon with my physician; I want to see if she will prescribe me steroids that might clear up my ears, if it’s an inflammation problem. One can only hope.

I’m just about done building the 3D printer. It’s taken a lot longer to assemble than I originally thought, but then again I only spend a couple hours a week putting it together. I just don’t want to get tired and end up making a mistake on it.

Emma had her 18th birthday on Wednesday. She had a big sleepover the weekend before that. Time just goes by so quickly. All you can do is try to slow it down. Freeze this moment a little bit longer.

I’ll soon be coming up on the one year anniversary of this site. This was originally supposed to be my blog, like an interesting site to share on social media. Instead it’s turned into a journal; a place to organize my thoughts. Not very interesting for anyone else to read, I imagine.

Jack’s wrestling season has started and he already has two pins in two matches. He’s a much different wrestler than two years ago. He’s strong, muscular, athletic, aggressive…that’s what puberty and testosterone will do to a boy. 

I discovered that Amazon Prime video has The Great Courses available on video. That’s great for me because I’m still on this European history kick. I already have a backlog of videos, books, and games to get to that will last into my retirement, so what’s one more item to add to the to-do list? lol.

I’m really making progress in French on Duolingo and Rosetta Stone. Sometimes I want to get back into other languages too but I really need to focus and try to master one foreign language instead. I’m getting to the point now where I was when I went to school in Quebec City, where someone asks me a question and I want to respond in French. Next up will be where my dreams are in French. I don’t know what’s after that, I didn’t get that far. There are beaucoup de gens ici in Beardstown qui parlent francais, I wish there was a conversational group available where we could talk. That would really speed up my learning. And being that the French speakers here are African, that means I can understand their continental French. Unlike the Quebecois accent that I don’t understand that well. 

I’m only working four days this week and then I’ll be out until January 2nd. This Friday we will go to Jack’s meet in Lincoln and then go to Peoria for our yearly Christmas tradition of bowling at Bass Pro Shop and seeing the Festival of Lights in East Peoria. Saturday is my birthday, Sunday we will open presents on Christmas Eve, and Monday we will leave very early in the morning for the airport. Mom once again will house sit and take care of the dogs.

I don’t know offhand how old I’ll be on Saturday. My birth year ends in a “5”, and I was born in the end of the year. So it’s never easy to find my age without having to do some mental math. Also I’m in my late 40’s. The years don’t really matter at this point. Soon I’ll be 50 and I will be keenly aware of that. Wow, 50! Five-zero. I can’t believe it when I just typed it out. 50 is old. I don’t feel old. I definitely don’t feel like I’m 50. I’m okay being 4o-something. Some days I feel like I’m 30-something. But 50….wow.

I’m at a good place in my life right now. Actually since I met my wife I’ve been in a good place. I’m in a comfortable place career-wise and financially. If I can work at my job for another 17 years and then retire, I’d be happy. It is always in the back of my mind (sometimes it’s very much in the front of my mind) that my current job will end and then what? I’ll have to find some other employment of course, but the question is, will I find something comparable to what I have now? How long will it take for me to find something comparable? I could maybe find something quickly that pays less, but that employer would have to be aware that I would leave as soon as something better comes along. And would I be able to work from home? I wouldn’t necessarily mind driving an hour to work but I can’t do the 1.5 to 2 hour one-way commute that I used to do back when I was younger. Would we have to move? I don’t want to move. I love our house, our backyard, our neighborhood, our town, our friends, our family. Our house will be great when we are older as it has few steps and there’s already a handicapped bathroom on the ground floor. We can really grow into this place. What if I lost my job but had the opportunity to pay off our house? Would I be happy taking a job around town, knowing that we wouldn’t really need the money? It’s been a while since I’ve had to be ambitious. In my current job I’ve had the ambition to learn the ins-and-outs of my current responsibilities, but as far as moving up and getting promotions, I don’t think so. I would have to move into a people-leader role and I don’t really want that. I really don’t like project management and holding people to dates and things like that.

For the past 7-8 years my options have been to 1. Learn New Skills to Remain Employable or 2. Spend Time with My Family. I’ve opted for #2 while still staying on the margins of #1. I try to pickup new skills here and there, to remain relevant in the work place, mostly so that I can be the bread-winner and support my family. That is my biggest concern. I just don’t want to go from being an Engineer (part of my identity) to some guy carrying around 50 lbs bags of feed. So, motivated by fear (like always), I try to learn new things. I tried to go back to school for Computer Science last year but that did not work out. It was mainly due to my lack of knowledge about the Java language, but also due to work and family responsibilities. I’m sure I’ll try again for this degree when the kids are grown and on their own. But when they’re grown, well what will be the rush to upgrade my skills? It will just be the wife and myself to support.

Back when I started my current job I was a voracious learner. I took all the in-house classes I could get my hands and still studied after hours. But that was because I was the newbie of the group; the last one hired; and all the other job responsibilities had been claimed by others in my group. So I really had nothing to do. I didn’t know enough to truly be helpful. I was just a warm body, there to fill the last open req (Required Position) for my manager so he could build up his team. Over the years (with growing responsibilities) I’ve delved more into the minutiae of my job so that I could become the Subject Matter Expert. But getting into the weeds here came at a cost – the Opportunity Costs of learning more skills. So now I’m at a point where I know my current job inside and out, and for what? What use will these skills be when no one needs them anymore? It’s like being someone who knows everything about calibrating the head for recording audio onto tape. Or someone who can setup a tube video camera. These were fine skills to have at one point, skills that took a high degree of knowledge. But who needs these skills now? 

The only true way to mitigate this feeling is to be sure to have enough dough on hand to last 3-6 months when you’re out of work. We have that, thank goodness, but I wonder how long I would be out of work before I would really start to freak out about our declining saving’s balance. It’s like when we moved into our new house; we still were paying on the old house too. We had enough fundage to pay for both mortgages for maybe 6 months. But after the first month, the first time paying two loans, I really became focused on selling the old home. I figure I’d be out of work a week before I put on the “autism blinders” and obsessively focused on finding a new job.

It’s strange that I went from being the last one hired in my group to being the last one around. It’s like I won some corporate Game of Thrones. Originally we had a group with 10 guys and 1 boss. Through the years we’ve had guys pass away and other get let go. Some were sent to another company when we split of our services. And then our original group was split up and absorbed by two other groups – Operations and Engineering. I went into the Engineering group (which was an amazing call, in hindsight). This allowed me to work from home permanently as I did not need to physically handle equipment anymore. The guys that got put into Operations ended up leaving due to burn-out. So I sit on my throne as the last remaining engineer (for this particular group). 

My uncle Tom died last week. His obituary is sparse, to say the least. There’s no picture of him, no listing of previous employers or locations, no children or spouses listed; very strange. But out of 12 siblings on mom’s side, this just leaves her as the last sister alive. My uncles Jack and Ted are the only brothers still around. It’s like a geriatric Game of Thrones lol. This is odd for me to think about because these three are in the middle of the family pack, age-wise. I’m the youngest of 31 grandchildren, and Mom was the last sibling to have grandkids. She’s probably the only sibling without great-grandkids. I imagine there will come a day when I’m the only remaining grandchild still living in the original hometown. All my cousins will either have moved away or passed away. This is bittersweet I guess. I remember when I was 6 or 7 years old, going to large (LARGE) family reunions at the park here in town. There were still many of us who had lived here. Maybe I’ll organize something like we had for Mom’s 80th birthday, where I get as many of the original family as possible to show up. Again, this is uncharted territory for me as I am the youngest and not particular good at organizing large events. But I’m pushing 50; I guess I’m old enough to act like an adult now lol.