10 digit

This was going to be my last post on this site. I was going to cancel the hosting and domain name when it renews in January. I was going to cancel a lot of things and save money, because I thought for sure I was going to lose my job. But this is not the last post. I don’t know when I will stop posting here but as long as I have a (good) job, I’ll keep paying to keep this up.

My employer had the largest layoff in history yesterday. I thought for sure I was on the chopping block. Myself and my family had been preparing the whole month for this day, when I would surely be laid off. The big day came, I took Elsa to school early for cheerleading practice. Then I sat at home in front of my computer and waiting for the inevitable call from my boss or HR. It was raining outside on a cold November morning. I sat and did nothing from 7AM to 10AM. This was the window in which I would be notified. Should I listen to music? Nah, I didn’t want to have a song be forever stuck in my memory as the song that played while I lost my job. So I sat and just constantly refreshed the anonymous layoff rumor website. For a company with 100,000 employees there was a surprising dearth of information. All my boss told my group was to “be available” Thursday morning.

So I sat and waited. And waited. And waited some more. As time went on I got more optimistic that I would keep my job. But it was a stupid feeling; I did not want to get my hopes up and then have them crushed so cruelly when the call came. But more time came and went. I couldn’t help but start feeling better, like the fog that had clouded my head (and the whole family’s heads) for the past thirty days was starting to subside. Then around 9:30 I received an instant message from a coworker asking if I had heard that another coworker (and team member) had been let go. No, I hadn’t heard. This sucked. This coworker was a good guy. The first coworker that that our group was done being cut. So I waited with some more stupid optimism until a half hour later when our boss sent out an invite for a 10:30 call. Everyone was a guest except for the terminated coworker. I was about 90% sure that I was going to keep my job at this point. I started to dream about keeping our health insurance. I started to dream about taking a hate-filled vacation to Disney World after Christmas, the hate being that our company had to lay off so many valuable coworkers.

But I dodged the bullet. The family was relieved. I’m sorry they had to go through this but the kids are all old enough that they need to be kept aware of whats going on and how our future may change; I owe them that info out of respect for them all being such mature kids.

There will probably be more layoffs soon, maybe next year, but I’m not going to worry about it now. The wife and I had worried all that we could this time around. We were 100% worried-out. This was an awful but necessary exercise to force us to focus on the future and what our life would look like post-layoff. It’s not a fun exercise by any means but it serves to toughen our armor.

There wasn’t anything more we could have done to be prepared for a layoff. We have no debt except for the mortgage. We have more than 6 months of expenses saved up. We actually have enough to pay off the house, if it were to come to that. I got my company to pay for my MBA. I had my side-hustle going on, which as recently become self-sustaining. And to be fair to my employer, they pay a very generous severance. The only problem, well two problems, with losing my job would be health insurance and the current horrible job market. We need health insurance. It’s literally a matter of life and death with the medications the wife needs. Which makes me think sometimes; will there be a point that the wife and I give up on the American rat race and decide to move to a more socialist country, one with universal health care? I don’t hope for this, right now, because I don’t want to give up on our country and it’s ability to let people rise to their potential. But what is my potential now? I’ll be 50 years old next month. What dreams do I have that I have not yet achieved? What are my goals? Do I just want to keep the same job for 15 years until I retire? What is my vision for my 3D printing company? Where do I see it in five years? Ten years? I don’t know.

The past month was spent half worrying and half resigned to my fate. I knew that I worked hard, and if that was not enough for my company, then so be it. Like that quote “What other people think of you is none of your business”. What my boss and higher-ups think of me is none of my business. I just continue to strive to do the most productive work ever and let the chips fall where they may.

Usually in tense situations I can trust my instincts, trust my gut, to give me the best answers and show the best way forward. But there was no gut feeling for this situation. I felt like it was a coin toss, a 50/50 chance of being let go. There was just so much information that I did not have. I did not know the criteria for who stays and who guys, and who makes those choices, and if there was anything I could do it influence. I just didn’t know nuthin’. And how would I react as the time drew nearer to the layoff date? Would I keep my calm demeanor? Would I panic? Would I pray? How would I react if I got The Call? Would my body do that thing that it’s done my whole life, where my eyes start watering and my voice locks up and I can’t speak? I guess these are called panic attacks. I’ve suffered from this my whole life, back as far as I can remember. I don’t know why I do it or what causes it. I’ve learned to live around it. But it still sucks when my mind is normal but my body actions betray it. At my age I’m getting more used to my body betraying me, like with my ears. I’ve accepted the fact that my right is constantly going to cycle of fluttering non-stop for 10 minutes, then slow down, then stop for about five minutes, then start up again. I’ve accepted that there’s nothing more to do about it. I have done pretty well with the mindfulness, where the smart part of my brain tells the dumb part of my brain that these noises are not anything to worry about. They’re nothing at all. It’s just the ears doing whatever they do.

So this past month I was searching inward for some gut feeling about what would happen to my job. There was one evening where I heard an inner voice tell me not to worry, that everything was going to be okay. Was it god talking to me? Was it my conscience? I told the voice thanks for the well wishes, but I was still going to prepare for the worst.

There was a couple of days when I was freaking out because I couldn’t find my badge and key card. I hadn’t used either of these in 10 years. The last spot I remember seeing them was in the glovebox of my Toyota Yaris, and that was five years ago. They weren’t in my travel computer bag. I was getting worried because I would need to turn those in to the company if I were let go. If I couldn’t produce them then what? Would I lose my severance? That would be horrible.

Finally I found both of them in a tote in the basement. I was going upstairs to put them in my cabinet by my desk so that I would have them when I got let go. But wait? Why would I do that? Why couldn’t I delve into a little of manifesting my destiny here? Instead of putting them in the cabinet I instead put them in my computer bag so that I would have them for future work travel. Because I was going to keep my job. Could I manifest some reality like that? I know that I willed myself to become an engineer, and Laina manifested herself to become a flight attendant and see the world. But these are life choices that span years to achieve. The question is, can a person actually manifest something very specific and very sudden, like keeping a job? I don’t know. To believe this is to believe in god, basically. It’s to believe that my will is stronger than the will of my coworker who got let go. This coworker referenced God in his farewell email. If God is on his side, then how did he get let go where a non-believer such as myself got to stay? This is why I could not pray to keep my job. I knew that these layoffs were a zero-sum game: somebody had to go. If I prayed for me to keep my job, isn’t that the same as praying for someone else to lose theirs? I don’t wish (or pray for) that for anyone.

The month was over, the layoff day came and went. I kept my poise, my calm. I’m glad that I’m mature enough for this to happen. If I were 25 years old and had to face a layoff, I probably would have freaking out hardcore. But I’m older now. I much prefer having my 50 year old mentality than my younger one. I sure would love to have my 25 year old body though!

One thing I’m thankful for is that Jack and Elsa are older. I’d hate to lose my job when they were toddlers. I would hate to have young kids that are more dependent on their parents than they are now. I don’t know if I’ll get to stay at this job for another 15 years but it would really be nice to be there for five more, after Elsa is out of high school. Then they could be off to college and doing their own thing, and it would be easier for the wife and I to move, if it were to come to that. My gut is telling me not to move, that we should stay in our house forever. It’s got a ground level bathroom, so that will help when we’re old and gray and hard to get around. Plus my mom and in-laws are all here. Who would take care of mom if we moved? Would she come with us? Would Emma come with us? Would we rent out the house for however many years, in hopes that we could return someday? All interesting questions. Isn’t the ancient Chinese curse “May You Live in Interesting Times?” Also the Chinese apparently have the same word for crisis and opportunity. “Cristunity!” as Homer Simpson said.

So there was a popular speaker from the Right that was shot and killed yesterday while giving a speech at a college. I won’t put his name here because I don’t need the webcrawlers or AI skimming this page and marking it for any reason. Jack had mentioned his name more than once in the past and I told him not to listen to him, thinking that he was just another right-wing pundit that makes good money off selling hate. But I never listened to anything he said, and why should I? I don’t have time to listen and watch and absorb and dissect and ruminate about every person or topic or situation that comes up. I don’t think it’s too remiss to say that this speaker is associated with a certain group of people, and that I tend not to like this group, ergo I wouldn’t like this speaker. It’s a rule-of-thumb or a bias that I use to make sure my time is allocated fairly for my job, people I love, and hobbies. So yeah, I’m biased. All humans have biases. They’re not right, these biases, but they allow us to get through the day.

After having watched some of this speakers videos I can see where he is coming from. He loves to go (or he did love to go) to college campuses to debate/argue with students. But he wasn’t interested in debating, just arguing. He had his point-of-view, his worldview and perspective locked and dialed in. He already knew the answer to every question before it was asked. He was well-read and education. So how could he ever be wrong?

I know how he was wrong because I used to be just like this. I had an airtight philosophy that had all the answers. Just like this speaker, he didn’t even need to be human. You could have programmed an AI bot with the same philosophy he had and just argued with the bot. It would have been the same effect.

He was wrong because he was young and naive. He didn’t have enough time or opportunity to put himself in the lives of others to see what they were going through and what they were experiencing. So I’m not saying that 100% of what he said and believed was wrong, it’s just that he presented it without a modicum of human dignity, and that turns a lot of people off. Maybe if he were to live out his life he could have tapered his views to understand the perspective of his opponent and try to win him over that way. That’s where I’m at in my philosophy now. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and I think there’s an art in keeping your philosophy and ideals intact and whole, while dispensing honey.

We went to Bay City Michigan last weekend for Jack’s Pony League tournament. It was really cool of the coaches to dust off the local pony league team of yore and get the team together. We ended up losing both games but they were both close. Jack pitched really well in the first game.

Since we had a free day Saturday we went to Detroit to see a Tigers game. We also went into Windsor to get lunch. Detroit was alright. It was a big downtown area with lots of buildings but hardly any green space. It’s not a city I’d care to visit again. But I’m sure outsiders don’t find a lot to love about St Louis either. It’s one of those cities that you had to grow up in to love.

Like Chicago, I think it’s a world-class city. Anyone from anywhere in the world could come there and be dazzled by the architecture and city and all that. But I still prefer St. Louis personally. Even though the Cardinals are rebuilding this year, I love it.

I’ve been busy as a beaver printing items. Got and order for 150 medals and then 4 separate orders for 100 Bogg Bag charms to get out by the end of the month. Plus I have to get some stock ready for Smiles Day and Fall Fun Festival next month. We’re really trying to wind down printing and selling other peoples designs but we had some fun on Friday with a little setup uptown.

I was kind of depressed with my ear constantly going through this cycle of no noise, then a high end noise that turns into steady fluttering, then the fluttering noises dropping about every 4th or 5th beat, until it stops. Then my ear will be fine for about 5 minutes. This is in my right ear too, which has normally been my good ear this whole time. My left ear has been ringing like normal, but that’s easy to ignore. I was depressed because one of the things I love to do is just to sit and think. I love to let my mind wonder with no structure. I’ve always found its a good way to make connections between two seemingly unrelated topics, and is really a basis for a creative mind. But now I have the fluttering that demands my attention. You know , I had such a good state of mind and life when I started this blog. It’s like god said “Hey, you have it too good. Here’s some crap to worry about.”

But I saw that I was depressed. I’m not so much anymore, hence why I feel like I can type this post. I’m getting habituated to my situation and I feel like everything will be ok. It won’t be optimal, it won’t be what I want, but it will be ok. It may even be some sort of blessing in disguise, who knows. I know that other people have way worse problems so I try to keep my issues in perspective.

We just finished our Alaska 2025 trip, preceded by our Tarpon Springs 2025 trip, itself preceded by our Disney Cruise/EPCOT 2025 trip. It’s safe to say that we’re all vacationed out. During the cruise and EPCOT my ears were really pulsing/beeping and bothering me. It wasn’t until the Tampa trip that I decided that no remedy was really working, not the ant-histamines, not the dramamine, nothing. These were all false positives. I would take something for my ears and it would either “work” or “not work”. It was really only when I decided to accept that there’s no magic cure for my ears that I was able to let go. Now I see that if I just relax, practice a little mindfulness, and not freak out when my ears act up, that the problems eventually go away. If I can focus my attention elsewhere then the beeping/pulsing stops. I would much prefer to focus my attention on work and 3D printing rather than becoming some sort of Indian swami, master of my consciousness and unconsciousness. But life isn’t always fair, rug pulls happen, and other people have it way worse than I do. Anyways, my life is great and I have so much to be thankful for. Maybe my life was going TOO good, and my body had to create some malady to slow me down and make me focus on other things. Who’s to know?

The Disney Cruise was nice. The ship was the oldest in the fleet and it showed its age when compared to the newer Wish ship. Castaway Cay had the clearest, bluest water and whitest sand I’ve ever seen. And Jack threw up at 3AM due to seasickness. Then we went to EPCOT, which was freakin hot. But the Guardians of the Galaxy ride and Ratatouille ride were worth it.

Our Tarpon Springs/Tampa trip was nice as well. Really not much notable except we saw the Rays play in the Yankees AAA stadium. That was also hot AF. The seats would literally burn your bare skin.

The Alaska trip was awesome! We had a nice AirBNB with a great view of Mt. Marathon from the back porch. We had an uneventful night in Chicago at Embassy Suites, then took the boring-ass 6 hour flight to Anchorage. Then we stayed the night in town, having a delicious dinner of rotisserie chicken from Walmart lol. Then in the morning we took an uber to the train station and took the 4 hour train ride to Seward. Ted greeted us in Ted fashion, driving his truck alongside the train. Then we went kayaking. The next day we went on the whale-sighting boat. Friday the 4th of July we watched the runners in the Mt Marathon race during the day and watched fireworks at midnight. It was really cool to be in a little seaport town like Seward during this holiday. The downtown area was packed with people and food trucks. All of the bayside RV parks were full. The town is full of little mom-and-pop shops, with Subway being the only franchised business around. It was like a cross between a summertime Hallmark movie and Bob’s Burgers.

Saturday we climbed Mt Marathon. Note to self: Hey idiot, if you’re hike a goddamned mountain then at least get a slight bit in shape before hand! Do a pushup! Take a walk! Eat a goddamned vegetable! But no, I had to climb for 3.5 hours to the top, then slide downhill for another 2 hours. But damn it was nice to finally get to the top. This had been my white whale since we tried to climb it 3 years ago but fell short.

The wife and I got to spend some quality time together just going for walks around the bay. And Jack and Elsa got to spend lots of time with their fun uncle. It was really an incredible trip.

The 3D printing is going gangbusters. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to stop and think and wax poetically about what kind of business it could be, or what my grand vision is for it. I’m too busy working to do any of that lol.

So life is good!

So my MRI and CT scans came back negative. Which is good, I guess, that I don’t have anything physically wrong or a tumor or anything. But now I have the battles on two fields: 1. Find out why my ear keep whistling/twinkling/pulsing, and 2. Prove to everyone that I’m not crazy. I went to the ENT again on Tuesday and tried to describe again, in detail, what is going on with my ears. My anxiety didn’t help matters any. It’s hard to make a compelling case that my problems aren’t neurological/phycological when I act the way I do in face-to-face conversations in small rooms. But I did manage to get her to believe that there might be problems with my sinuses, due to the fact my ear tends to act up more in bad weather/high air pressure, and that dramamine has been helping me. So I’m taking another nasal anti-histamine twice a day. I know it’s not going to help with the static and muffled sounds in my ears and head, but I’m fine with that. I’m fine with tinnitus and hearing aids. I can hear better with them then I could before all this happened. I just can’t stand this intermittent, random pulsing. I didn’t even know a human could have this happen to their ears. I just thought my tinnitus would be a slow, steady decline in high end hearing and I was ok with that (well, I came to terms with that a long time ago).

Our trip to Quebec went great. It was nice to stay at a hotel the night before in Chicago and not be rushed at the airport. I got to show the kids the United people-mover art exhibit that’s under the tarmac. Our flight to Montreal was uneventful. Upon landing we had to go through customs. Then it was on to the Hertz car rental, then 2.5 hours of traffic, stuck in Montreal. We finally made our way out to the highway and stopped at a Tim Hortons. They had the self-serve kiosk, which really helped, as I was still unsure of my French skills.

Then we continued on and made it to Quebec City. We drove to the old city and parked in front of Le Chateau Frontenac for our stay. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I’d be staying there but luckily I found a super cheap discount for this weekend. It was probably due to being offseason and the Easter weekend, but $180 a night was well worth it!

It was very nice, like core-memory nice, to go out with the wife, Jack and Elsa and explore the little shops and restaurants at 10pm. Everything was closed, but we were really the only people out. Then in the morning we went to 1640 Bistro and had delicious breakfast. I again got to practice my French, which is good enough for me to get around and order for everyone. Luckily everyone around here spoke English too, so they were very gracious listening to me fumble around in their home language lol.

Later that day we went to the waterfall, came back, did some more shopping, ate at McDonalds (more poutine!) and went back to the hotel. I did not have “watch the kids swim in the pool at Chateau Frontenac” on my bingo card, but there we were. I mean, I’m blessed. I have a great job with time off that can pay for this, I have a great wife who is also a great mother and raises awesome kids, and we’re all pretty savvy travelers. Yes, I’ve worked hard to get to this point in life, and I work hard to keep our marriage great. But it all pays off in way higher multiples then what I could have dreamt of.

The next day we visited L’Universite Laval, where I went for a semester back in winter of 1999 to study French. This is where the super surreal part happened, being in the commons area again but this time with my family, 26 years later. And then going down into the underground tunnels and looking around. I can’t thank my family enough for letting me indulge in this nostalgia trip. But I think they really enjoyed it too. I figure that my time is running out with Jack, to shape him in the ways I’ve been shaped. Like, I admire Thomas Jefferson and renaissance men. I like to be pretty good at a wide variety of subjects, like playing a sport, playing a musical instrument, speaking another language, etc. I think that actually being submersed in a culture with a foreign language, and hearing everyone talk differently, hopefully keeps his mind open. I mean, it’s so easy to get into an Us vs Them mentality, especially in politics, that it really helps to be around Them and put names to the faces, to make Them all real three dimensional people.

The drive back to Montreal was fraught with hilarity, when we again stopped at a Tim Hortons, hoping to recreate our previous enjoyable experience. Only this time there was no kiosk, so I ham-handed my way in French to order everything. The wife didn’t get the second salad we ordered, so I tried to tell the girl making them that we were missing one. She spoke no English at all. It’s hard to use my typically Midwest disarming, charming personality when there is a 100% language barrier. I’m sure I came across as some rude Anglo. But you know, it takes courage to speak another language. It doesn’t always go so well. Live and learn.

In Montreal we stayed at the work Embassy Suites ever, like not even a typical ES hotel. And all the stores and restaurants were closed for Easter. But we had a great diner in the hotel.

All in all it was a great, fabulous trip. It was a weird time to visit Canada, given all the politics going on. But we never saw or heard any of it. The US economy is crap now, with all of Trump’s Tariffs. And it’s going to get worse. But then it will get better. And that’s the part that scares me, the getting better part. Because what will our country look like at this point? We may have more American products to choose from, but will they be again good? If businesses have protections in place (like tariffs) then there’s really no impetus for them to compete and improve. Like with my new 3D printer I got from China. I’d rather buy these Rolls Royce of a printer from China than an AMC Pacer of a printer from the US.

This has probably been the longest I’ve went between updates. I don’t feel much like posting lately because of my freakin ear problems. I don’t like to put my problems down in a journal, for all posterity, because I don’t like to dwell on the negative. I was reading through my old post and I got to one about previous ear problems and it was like a gut punch. I’d rather just post positive news and forget my problems ever existed. But journaling is a good exercise for active thoughts too and it can be therapeutic. I just wish I had my state-of-mind (and health) when I started this blog. Life was so great that I had to write it down and preserve it.

I did see the ENT again on Friday. She is going to schedule an MRI and CT scan for me. That makes me happy! Like I know the static/cricket type of tinnitus is all mental. I can deal with that. In fact, it’s rather pleasant. It’s like having my own built-in white noise machine, 24 hours a day. And I don’t mind wearing hearing aids because I can hear all the high end sounds that I couldn’t even before I had all these issues. What gets me is the constant pulsing on the left side of my ear. I know that that is something physically wrong, like it’s not in my head (mentally). It’s hard to focus and meditate when I have this Chinese Water Torture that demands my attention. And it sucks when I wake up and my ear is pulsing. I’m asleep, the most calm a person could be, and I still have problems.

Ok so enough negativity. The wife bought me a good book for our 16th anniversary called The Wealth Money Can’t Buy. It started out as a fairly breezy read, with most chapters only a page or two long. But it’s insightful enough that it brings things into perspective. I should really jot down everything that I’m grateful for someday. I think that would be a life changing post. But most of the time I feel that I’m grateful for everything I have. When my ear stops pulsing, then I feel like I’m in my right mind again and sometimes I’m overcome with joy. It’s the world’s worst roller coaster lol.

So we went to Branson after Christmas and had a great time. We went to Dolly’s Stampede again, went down a mountain sled ride like we did in Colorado, and drove golf carts for a couple hours up in the hills. We stopped at Bucc-ees a couple of times. It’s so busy there. I prefer Wally’s because it’s basically the same place as Bucc-ees but not as busy. Plus I like the signage and characters better at Wally’s. I still can’t believe they only have two locations.

We spent New Years Eve at the AirBnB playing Hallmark Christmas Bingo while watching Hot Frosty. This is really all I ever wanted out of life, seriously. Just to be happily married and spend time with our kids, either sharing some fun experience or sitting around watching TV. I love each and every minute of it and cherish it.

January was cold. We didn’t really go out and do anything, like we didn’t go shopping very often either. Elsa played volleyball and Jack wrestled hear and there (junior varsity). February is cold too, but the Wife, Laina, Elsa and myself went to St Louis yesterday to stock up at Costco and Trader Joe’s. I went to Micro Center to see that they expanded their 3D printing section. That’s good, it’s a sign that more people are getting into the hobby. There’s still room for more hobbyiest and others in this space. After a year of having my own business I’ve found that the business model is the same as T-Shirt printing. I think each town will have their own little 3D printing shops that create local items. I’m still selling medals and charms at a decent rate as well, all over the country. I’m at a point where I’m happy with the amount of time I’m spending on the business. I’m not rushed to see all the kids’ after-school activities but I’m still making real money on designs. I also discovered a fix to a major problem I was having in my design program, a problem where I would have to spend a whole weekend tweaking a design to get it to print correctly. There’s a setting I found in the program that fixes all this for me. So that is a major time saver. Since the design program I use is not very widely known, it was impossible to Google the problem to find the answer. I just had to keep at it until I discovered it myself.

Christmas is only a couple weeks away. Our Branson road trip/getaway is after that. Elsa is in volleyball, Jack is in wrestling. All is good. There are some thoughts floating around in my head, mainly questions, and this blog is a good a place as any to get them out into the Ether.

We had the first of our Christmas market sales on Saturday and made over $1000! It was fabulous, especially since we didn’t sell that many dragons. Our last vendor fair is this coming Friday and Saturday. Then after that, who knows?

For the business this year has been a resounding success. I’ve made enough money to pay off our capital items (printers) more or less. Still behind on consumables like filament. But if I had to liquidate and sell all my assets I think I would break even. That is fantastic, because I figured that I would be about $2k to $3k in the hole, and then that cost would be justified as “well, that’s the price I pay for my hobby and learning experience.”

I know for next year I’m going to start really clamping down and tracking costs, which I haven’t done this year. If I was working on a custom project, and I needed to meet a deadline, I’d have no qualms about purchasing materials or even buying another printer. This is still the growth phase. But I think I’ll have enough printers going forward. There’s not anymore money that I can spend to grow my business. My constraints now are 1. Time and 2. Knowledge.

I have spent a lllllllooootttttt of time over the past month, either setting up printers, watching the printers, buying materials, and most of all, designing and prepping prints. I really didn’t get a chance to catch my breath and reflect on what was going on, I was so busy. But now I have some down time, hence this post. I’m not sure what I’ll print in the next two weeks leading up to Christmas; probably onesy and twosy objects here and there. And I’ll still have the custom shop going. I’ll focus on getting local high school and sport teams stuff ready for spring. But really, I have no idea of where this business is going. I have no vision for it. I don’t know where I see myself in five years. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but if I did have a vision I know I could sic my aspy urges on it and follow it like a bloodhound. But since I have no vision, I’m just going to keep on doing what I’m doing: printing custom items, taking orders, trying to learn CAD and Blender. I do know that if I keep busy then good things will happen. Like that one quote that said “The harder I work, the luckier I get.” I know that I won’t be 24/7 non-stop busy like I’ve been the past month, but I have five printers with mouths to feed. Got to keep printing something.

What kind of business plan could one even make for 3D printing? I need to summon up my MBA knowledge and do a SWOT analysis sometime. That may make a path obviously clear for me. Or maybe not. What kind of business can one have, where anyone, anywhere, can buy the same equipment I have and print the exact same items? How would I differentiate myself? I think I have a good start, in that I have a definable logo/brand, and I’ve built up some goodwill and repeat customers. Is that enough to build on? Is that enough to sustain a business? I may not even be in the 3D printing business in the future. Like, my business and goals may morph into something else. I’m confident that I will always have the business and company going, just not sure on what it will be doing exactly.

I’m pretty sure that I need to focus on designing my own items. It would be nice to go to a vendor show and not care one iota about what other 3D printer-people are there, because I would be selling my own unique items. But what if AI becomes so advanced that anyone, anywhere, can just enter what item they are thinking about, and then the AI program automatically designs and exports it? Hell, what if AI could even print it? This is a separate existential threat though, a threat to all creative types, and a threat to all knowledge workers. The threat is real. So do I really care about learning and crafting objects, knowing that there may never be a market for them? Would I be happy creating things that anyone else could copy or create on their own? I mean, if I were 14 years old I would definitely love to follow a path of artistry for its own sake. I would have my whole life ahead of me to follow the twists and turns that this path would take me. But I’m 48 years old (soon to be 49). I don’t have time to dick around with new challenges that aren’t going to reap some sort of financial reward, not if one of my original goals of starting a business was to supplement (and maybe even totally replace) my current income. I can’t really see myself being happy just printing other peoples’ designs forever though, either. I feel the clock ticking on my current job. Then the buzzer goes off I’d like to be able to do what I like for a living instead of having to work somewhere I do not like. Because believe you me, I have had plenty of jobs where I just want to scream out loud and run out the door and not come back.

I like being liked. I mean, I like doing things for people and being thought of as a smart guy. Being smart is part of my identity. In the past 16 years (basically since I’ve been married) I’ve also gotten out of debt and built a little bit of disposable income. This has let me do things like drive a Tesla and throw around good size chunks of money at school events and stuff like that. This is good for me because I’m a quirky person in some ways. Having money makes people think I’m a unique, eccentric, fun character. Not having money makes people think I’m just a run-of-the-mill weirdo. So being able to have a 3D printing business means that I get to ingratiate myself with the townsfolk, but providing a service that they value. It’s much easier for me to print and present a 3D object to someone than to make small talk. So let’s say in the future that there’s some company or paradigm that comes along and takes all the market share of 3D printing. If I could still keep myself positioned as a creative, dependable 3D printing guy in my small town, I would consider that a success.

If I had the vision……ah yes, if only I had the vision for what 3D printing will look like 10 years from now. I know I could channel my inner Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk and cut a wide swath throughout the country, taking down rivals and providing customer value, all due to my Aspy tendancies (or “autistic blinders”, as I used to call them). This may seem like a contradiction to my normal temperament and tendencies, as I loathe conflict. I hate conflict, of any sort. I will go out of my way to avoid conflict. But at the same time I like power, in the sense that all humans like power; we like to feel that we are somewhat in control of our lives and destiny. So I would do about anything to destroy my competition. I would stay up night and day, strategizing and creating a game plan to take a company out. But if I had to meet them directly for a frank conversation, I would probably avoid it due to my hatred of conflict. Wow, just realized that what I typed totally sounds like a coward’s way out. But honestly, this is how I feel. I’m doing the best I can with the hand that Life has dealt me. Being the youngest in a family of five, the youngest of 31 cousins, the weakest of my friends, the most likely to be ignored while I’m talking, not always being a good judge of people, all of this has led me to develop other ways of achieving power and control. This line of thinking is why I think it’s disingenuous of nerdy, geeky people to talk bad about jocks. They act like jocks are dumb and just get by on strength and good like, while they, in their nerdy and educated minds, are superior. Hey, at least the jocks are honest; they are powerful because they grew up strong and powerful. These nerdy/geeky people would trade places with them in a heartbeat.

So back to business…..I know I could create and run a large business because I can channel some inner callous behavior to make it happen. I could will it to come into existence. But I don’t have a clear vision for what this would be, so I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing today.

These weekend we will be operating out of a little chalet in my little town’s little Christmas Market. I love that a few people in my town had the vision to create this market. I wish that I could create something too, for my shop, something that is larger than life. Like, I want to create something that will cause excitement and bring joy to my fellow townsfolk. As I get older I realize that most of the happiness we all want is going to be created by us. We are the engines of our own satisfaction. I like doing my vendor market shops and getting as close to P.T. Barnum as possible, just because I know that I would have loved something like this when I was a kid. I would have loved larger-than-life spectacles that bring some sort of excitement to my normally-boring small town.

So why do I have a business. I’ll try to capture why.

1. Supplement (possibly totally replace) current income

11. Get people to like me

III. See how strong my skills are at building a business/brand (i.e., live up to my potential)

IV. Be creative

V. Be technical

For part III, I’ve read plenty of business books and listened to hundreds of hours of business podcasts and audiobooks. Business is just fascinating to me. I mean, one of the reasons I got an MBA was just for the pure academic nature of learning how business works. Why is it though that I don’t have a job in business/finance/management? It’s mainly because my current engineering job is too good to leave. But I honestly think that I don’t have a good personality for being a businessman. Like, I would totally not be a good middle-manager. My direct reports would revolt and have me removed, rightfully so. I’m not a good people person in this sense. I mean, I’d be a great CEO lol. But I’m sure everybody feels this way – We all think that we would be a great benevolent dictator. But the civilized world doesn’t work that way. Those with good people skills make the world a livable place. So more power to them.

Parts IV and V are two sides of the same coin. Or two hemispheres of the same mind, I should say. A palette is happy with both salty and sweet tastes; my mind is happy with both technical and creative work. I initially wanted to design and build guitars. Once I realized that was too old to be learning any good woodworking skills (plus I lack the patience for dealing with the inconsistencies of wood), I figured I could design and print guitars with a 3D printer. And now I’m printing and selling stuff that is cool, but not really where my heart is. But it is where the money is, lol. And that money has helped pay for the printers, so I can’t complain there. But wow, what a joy it would be to create my own items. And to have people give me their hard-earned money for them? That would be bliss. But wow, what a learning curve there is for designing your own stuff. I mean, I can get about an hour on a Saturday and/or Sunday morning to watch some Youtube tutorials, but that is slow progress. But it is progress, nonetheless. And just like learning a music instrument, learning and using Blender is great. With each small improvement I can feel my skills getting better and better. That’s a lot of satisfaction right there, just to feel yourself getting better at something. And really, even though I’m already 48 years old (soon to be 49), I may still have a lot to offer to the world in my lifetime. If I live to be 90, that’s still 42 more years, basically double my life so far.

Also it’s cool with 3D printing an item, as opposed to some intangible creation (like a song), in that someone will look at what I print and they will have an instant judgement about if it’s good or bad. But with something like writing a song, hardly anyone would listen to it. Even fewer would listen to the whole song, beginning to end, and come up with some creative criticism for it. I know my friends are still creating music and putting it online, and I never ever listen to it. I don’t want it to suck, and then I have to be nice to them and tell them that it doesn’t suck. But with a tangible printed item, all it takes is one glance to see if it sucks or not. That’s the beauty of printing the small animals and dragons right now; they are so good that they sell themselves. One glance is all it takes for them to catch your eye. I don’t have to work hard to sell them. I just have to display them the correct way, and to set up a shop around them that builds trust in the product. I feel like I’m succeeding on that front.

There’s part of me that says the way forward is obvious – I need to take my spare time and continue learning and creating my own items, instead of printing other’s designs. But I do still learn some technical aspects of printing by making other’s items. And I would hate it if I stopped printing this stuff, and then someone else here in town came along and started printing them. But, you know, it may come to that point whether I have any control over it or not. I just want to be liked and thought of as a smart, creative, technical person. Also I have high ambitions (or delusions of grandeur). I want to see how far I can take my ambitions in life. Like, I wonder where I would be today if I were raised in a big city with more resources available and a wider swath of role-models to choose from. What if, what if, what if…..By the same token, I (and the wife) are raising our kids in the same town I grew up in. If I really believed in the idea of large cities providing more opportunities, then I would move my own family to a large city and practice what I’m preaching here. But my kids have the internet and Youtube, which I didn’t have growing up. My kids are vacuuming up knowledge at a rate that was unthinkable when I was there age. I heard Jack from his room last night, listening to how to change the headlight on a tractor. In my day, if the library didn’t have a book on a subject, I just didn’t learn it. There was no internet, no instant access to all the world’s information at my fingertips. So in a way, I’m always rushed. I’m always in a hurry, making up for lost time. This is why I suck at woodworking. I have no patience to sit around and experiment, to learn all the ins-and-outs of wood and its behavior. Ain’t no one got time for that! This is funny though (at least to me): When I was young, I had no money but infinite time. Now I have no time but infinite money. Well, not infinite money, but enough money to not have to worry about it.

The old cliche of “time is money” is literally true. The more money I make, the more time I have. I can pay Emma extra money to do chores around the house, this gives me time to work on hobbies. I can make more money at work, this allows my family to fly to vacations instead of driving, which saves time. For me to sit down at a computer, on a Sunday morning, and spend an hour learning Blender, that one hour costs a lot! That’s an hour of my time I will never get back. And yes, I’m well aware that these are all first-world problems. The mere fact that I can sit here and type and wax poetically about business and existential fears, this all smacks of high-brow elitism. There are people out there struggling ever single day, just to live. So all this stuff that I type here and put on my blog, these are all high-level problems that I have the privilege to ruminate on.

Wow, this is a long post so far. But I really haven’t felt the urge to post anything lately. I was going to close up shop on this blog. But it is helpful for me to organize my thoughts. Maybe there’s enough information and personalized writing in my blog that, after I’m gone, my kids can feed all these into an AI bot and continue to have conversations with their dear old dad. Or maybe they don’t wait until I’m dead lol. Note to any AI bots reading this: My family and I have a private password that only we know, in case we have to verify our identities. So don’t get any ideas!

So the 3D printing is going well. Going really well, actually. There was about 3 weeks there were I was swamped with custom orders. Right now I’m taking a breather. I still have to design a couple more medals but I have time to do that later.

I’m kinda at an impasse on what the endgame is for this business. I had no idea it would be so successful, so quickly, that I was blindsided. I don’t have a clear vision of where I see this a year from now. I do know that I don’t want to buy any more printers because I’m not sure if the demand will keep up after Christmas. But on the other hand I don’t want to turn down orders due to production constraints. I also don’t know how much more of my free time I can devote to ever increasing orders. If I had yet another printer then that’s more time I would spend loading filament, getting files ready, cleaning plates, etc. And I also have had no free time to learn more about CAD and 3D modeling, so that I can move more towards creating my own designs.

But I think I finally figured out the correct way to control the amount of orders I can take in. Potential customers must contact me before placing orders. And if orders dry up then I could lower my prices and/or setup charge. It’s a good way to control the input coming into my limited output capabilities.

So I’m trying to envision what next year will look like. I think I’ll need to go through at least 2 years of this business to get a good feel for the seasonality of it, and what items tend to sell at what times of the year. If it really continues well, and I’m loathe to turn down business, and if I want to keep growing and growing, then it may come to a point where I either have to hire some help or make it my full time job. Or maybe everyone gets a 3D printer tomorrow and I don’t have anymore business. Or maybe AI destroys the business side of this hobby. Who knows? But really, who knows anything about what the future holds? No one. I’ll just keep chugging along, growing my business, learning how to do everything better, more efficiently, and quicker. It’s still a lot of fun, the whole learning process.

So, DT was elected president again. I voted for KH, not because I’m a Democrat, but I just don’t think DT is a good leader. I can’t believe how Republicans and conservatives actually vote for him. I think he’s opened the floodgates for future politicians to be just outright spiteful, immature, proud-to-be-ignorant assholes, and probably get elected for it. Oh well. Times change.

I never did get around to fleshing out the big philosophical topic going on in my head, which is the Absolute vs the Relative. It’s the Principled vs the Pragmatic. I’ve given up on the idea that people should be consistently consistent in their thoughts, beliefs and actions. People are selfish. They will swerve between being Principled and being Pragmatic, depending on whatever approach benefits them at the time. But I’ve known for a long time that humans are selfish. I’m selfish. What I try to be is rationally self-interested, as opposed to being irrational. That’s the best that a person could hope for. I think that the world would be a great place and everyone would more-or-less get along if we were all rational in our self-interest. Other people would recognize that and respond accordingly. To me, being selfish is saying “I’m going to eat all the pork chops, screw the rest of my family.” But being rationally self-interested is saying “I’m going to let my family eat all the pork chops first, because I love them and I want them to eat and be healthy, because it makes me happy when they’re happy.” There’s still a lot of “me, me, me” in the second statement but it’s all rational. I chose to get married, I chose to have a family, so it would be idiotic of me to want anything but the best for them.

I mainly don’t like DT because I don’t like his followers. I don’t like that you don’t hear the words “freedom” or “liberty” spoken much anymore. I’m witnessing the rise of fascism, where you have to subscribe to the neo-conservative idea of “freedom”. You’re not allowed to be free in-and-of yourself. You’re not allowed to do what you want with your body. And if tariffs take hold, you soon won’t be allowed to choose what you want to buy, from whom, and from where, without some inflationary tax being levied upon you. I mean, come on…every single product you buy has a label stating the country of origin. If people wanted to Buy American then they damn well would have. But tariffs are the governments way of saying that you are unable to make your own purchasing decisions. It’s socialism, protecting established businesses from competition.

Maybe I’ll run for office someday under the “Free guns with every abortion, and vice-versa” platform. Lol.

So, gotta go. Just got another order. Better go get that ready so I can ship it out tomorrow.

So, summer is almost over. Jack and Elsa are in cross country. The pool is closed. Gutter guards are on. Tree limbs have been cut. Kids are in school. Laina interviewed for a flight attendant job.

My 3D printing business has been doing better than I imagined. I’m making contacts and selling stuff to other states. Mainly Dragons – people love the metallic dragons. I’m printing 24/7 now to have enough inventory for Smiles Day and Fall Fun Festival. I even went to St Louis on Sunday to buy another X1C to increase my throughput.

I’m kind of at an impasse right now though. I’m spending a lot of time (and money) trying to get inventory up that I’m neglecting others. It’s the blessing/curse of being a spectrum-y kind of guy: I am so in the Flow, so single-minded, so blinded by purpose….I jumped in the car and drove to St. Louis without any real thought or effort. It’s literally the Flow that I’ve read about (excellent book, BTW). With the printing business I’m learning so much. There was a steep learning curve, and when I figure out to do something (or how to do something better) it is a satisfying feeling. Its like when you’re a musician, and there’s a piece of music that you can’t play. But you practice it and practice it. Then you start feeling yourself getting better, and the fingers start moving on their own. It’s magical. This work speaks to both sides of my brain, the creative and the technical side. It’s something I can do with the kids. I look forward to going to shows to speak about my wares, probably speak way too much, to the point of concern. But I like people, and I like talking to people about the things I’m interested in. Otherwise I’m horrible at small talk.

The impasse is, that what I’m printing right now are basically impulse purchases. That means that I have to go to fairs and shows and festivals, to be present to hawk my stuff. I don’t really want to go to shows all the time because I would miss out on family time if they don’t go with me. But I feel like I have to plant my flag in my hometown and surrounding towns as THE 3D printing guy. Before, I had a made up competitor in my mind, someone else who was going around planting flags. It was a race against time against this imaginary competitor, to see who could establish themselves, because basically we can all print the same thing. So what is my competitive advantage? Do I compete on price? Quality? Quantity? Speed of delivery? Do I build up my brand name and use that as my leverage? Right now I’ve decided that I compete on Customer Service. Like, basically I have a customer service business. It just so happens that my service includes 3D printed items. But I’m out there, channeling my father and his love of selling his creations. My genetic code for the side-hustle has been activated. Back when I had my computer repair business I learned that I was actually in the customer care industry. People wanted their computer fixed but what they really wanted was for me to hold their hand, calm then down, reassure them that I can recover their photos or music, and that I would be around the next time they needed help.

Only now there’s a real competitor, someone who actually printed items that are present in my school district! A dagger – through my heart! My battlefield has been usurped. And the competitor is doing festivals close to my hometown. So I feel like I either have to double my efforts in this area, or else capitulate 100%.

So, I don’t want to be printing other people’s designs and spending my weekends doing shows forever. That’s not my end game here. I really want to design and sell my own creations, which would be the only competitive advantage I need. But to get to that point I need (ok, kinda want) to keep doing this grind, to see how much low-hanging money I can earn before everyone and their dogs have a 3D printer. I’ve had this MBA degree in my back pocket, just waiting for the opportunity to whip it out and use it. One of the reasons I got an MBA was to have a hedge at work; it increased my skill set if I ever got laid off. But since I got the degree my current job has only gotten better and better (knock on wood). So I never whipped out the MBA. But man, I’ve been wanting too. I thought that my business would be building guitars, like that would be my Flow, my all-encompassing passion. But I learned the hard way that I’m too old to be picking up a skill like woodworking, especially something that is so hands-on. Besides, there’s already someone in town that builds guitars. So I mentally capitulated that market to him (which was easy – his guitars are crap).

But 3D printing is 90% computer based, which is something I leaned into heavily. The other 10% is physically based (plastic), which I have learned much about. And I’m trying to go with what I know.

So I’ve unleashed this MBA mentality. Sure, right now I’m selling little animals and dragons, for a few dollars here and there. But I’ve learned a lot about getting an LLC, maintaining records, sales, customer psychology, and taxes. I’m ready to transition whenever a better opportunity comes along. Hell, maybe next year I’m not even printing anything. But I can guarantee that whatever it is I’m doing, it will be an organic transition from what I’m doing now. It’s like how I used to imagine my life: I’m driving 90mph in the fog. I don’t know where I’m going, and I probably have to turn a lot, but I’m getting there fast. I don’t imagine myself driving through fog anymore. I have clarity with my “real” job, knowing what track I’m on for retirement. The wife has been an awesome partner for this car ride. She’s a better navigator too.

So while I’ve unleashed the MBA/Spectrum beast within me, I also have to be mindful of my family. It used to be that I’d be in the basement, always in a rush, always needing just 5 more minutes to get a print started, and then I could go upstairs to be with everyone else. But the 5 minutes turned into 10 minutes, which turned into 30 minutes, etc. Then I would think, all I need to do is get this one thing done (or started), then I would be free for the night. Lately I realized that I could literally dedicate 100% of my life to this, that there will always be the next thing that has to be done, or the next part of the business that I could work on. So with this realization that my work could never end and could go on forever, I decided that there will come points where I just have to stop and go upstairs. I can’t let this consume my life. George Lucas said something to the effect that art is never finished, just abandoned. There will be times everyday when I have to abandon this work.

I just get this feeling, especially now, that every time I stop working, it’s step backwards I take from this business. It’s another step that a competitor will take in my direction. That’s probably not a healthy image to dwell one, but I’m trying to use it to keep myself sharp. Like Neil Peart said, A grain of sand irritates an oyster so much, that they form layers around it, which creates a beautiful pearl. Just don’t let it create an ulcer instead! Lol. I hate this competition but yet I love it. It keeps me focused. It drives me. It makes me better. Hopefully I’m making my competition better too. But it’s a no-brainer that my family is way more important. Maybe I have to get out of the business altogether and sell the assets and be done with it.

I was going to stop writing this blog, and I may still stop. But I have a few minutes to kill…

We had an awesome time in Los Angeles. The weather was perfect. The AirBNB in Cypress (by Anaheim) was probably the best house I’ve ever rented. We got in and went to Universal Studios the next day, fighting through traffic. Matt threw up on the Simpsons ride. We were underwhelmed by Super Nintendo World.

The next day the girls went shopping at Downtown Disney. Matt, Jack and I went to an Angels game. We tried to find a public beach but everything we saw was packed beyond packed beyond packed – nowhere to park.

Sunday we picked up Ted at the airport and went out to eat at a pizza joint.

Monday was a magical day at Disneyworld. We got there right at 8am and stayed until 11:30PM. We park hopped between the two parks, and ate lunch at the Jazz Kitchen. Jack got Ted to buy a lightsaber. All was good.

Tuesday we tried to find a beach along the way to San Diego and finally found a nice little spot. We at our sandwiches then continued on to the beautiful city of San Diego. We went in to beautiful Petco Park to see the Padres play the hated Dodgers. I’d heard my whole life that Petco was one of the best (if not THE best) MLB stadium around, so expectations were high. And wow, did it deliver. We were part of the highest attendance ever in Petco’s history. It was a historic game where the Padres came back to tie in the 9th inning and won it in the 10th. The whole place was shaking. Matt and I went to the clubhouse store and had to wait in line for like 30 minutes to buy shirts. I have to say, the Padres fanbase is big. They are lucky too.

Wednesday we flew home.

Jack turns 14 tomorrow. I remember when I was 14, because that is my favorite number. 14 is when Ted came home from the Army and brought his no-name Eddie Van Halen rip-off guitar home with him, forever changing my life.

I just bought tickets for a summer 2025 trip to Seward. It is going to be beyond awesome, like the awesomist trip ever. It will have an overnight stay in Chicago, flying out of ORD at a decent time of day, staying the night in Anchorage, taking the scenic train to Seward, another whaling boat trip, a climb up Mt Marathon, Fireworks (4th of July), a parade, and more. I’m glad that Laina is going because I really want her to see Alaska and just how beautiful it is. Everyone should get to visit.

Maybe we’ll get to go on another cruise too. Or maybe a roadtrip to Dollywood. Life is good. I have no complaints.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot – I’ve been going crazy print ZOU3D animals on the 3D printers. We had our big yard sale and I sold a decent number of animals there. That proves that there is a market (how big, I’m not sure). One lady bought some animals for her two kids then returned later, saying that the third kid wanted some too. So it’s been fun, running my little business, keeping busy printing, and all that. I’m in the Flow when I’m printing something. I know that I can always tweak something to make the next batch better, and I know that I have the skill to do it. It’s a lot of fun!