I was supposed to run a 5K today for the Mr. Smith memorial at the school. But last night I was replacing a ceiling light fixture in the kitchen, and when I stepped off the chair I landed wrong and twisted my ankle. It’s not like I was in any sort of shape to run three miles but I still planned on giving it all I had, and then be sore for a week and recover just in time for our trip to Maine.

Jack got second overall out of about 40-50 runners, which is awesome. Elsa just beat out Emma for ninth place.

Jack started practice for his Junior League ball team and he loves it so far. He’s got to catch and play first base, which he loves.

Elsa got the part of Young Fiona for the upcoming Shrek summer musical. She has like a five minute musical number that she performed for me. That kid has legitimate musical talent. She can sing like a canary and improvise dance numbers like no one else. I really want to nurture this talent and see how far it will take her.

Last summer I made my acting debut in The Music Man summer show here in town. My reasons for doing that were many. I thought it would be a good way to spend time with Elsa and Emma since they are always in the shows. But I was too busy with my own scenes to even really see what they did during the show. I wanted to shock my system, to get out of this comfortable shell I was in. Time was (and still is) flying by so very fast. I needed to do something new and challenging in order to slow down time. I guess I could have went skydiving or taken up heroin but I didn’t need anything that drastic. I’ve never acted before, in any real sense, save for videos that my friends and I made in our younger years. I also wanted to see what my level of stage fright was compared to my youth, where my band could play shows to hundreds of people and I wouldn’t be the slightest bit scarred. I’m much more frightened to be in a room with one other person and have to make small talk. But I was comfortable being the center of attention in a large crowd. I always just figured that my brain was wired differently.

I initially signed up just for an ensemble non-speaking role. During the third or fourth practice the director said “Tim, you are our new constable!” Everyone clapped, because apparently getting a speaking role was a big deal. The other guy playing the constable had like 3 other roles so he didn’t care.

I was in 3 or 4 scenes, most of the time I just stood around. Maybe I had 10 lines. But I spent 6 weeks repeating those lines over and over and over and over. I was obsessed with getting the lines memorized. There was a phrase “The mayor owns the billiard parlor and that new pool table.” Billiard Parlor. Hard for me to say quickly. But I nailed it.

In my life the only advice I’d ever heard about acting was this: Be Vulnerable. You have to be able to seem open and vulnerable if you want the audience to engage with your character. So I was as vulnerable as a constable bit-part character could be lol. I didn’t want to learn any more about acting because, let’s face it, the more I learn about any subject, the less I know. I wanted the dumb, unearned confidence that comes with being totally oblivious to a subject (acting, in this case).

I think I did ok in this part. I didn’t ask anyone their opinion, because I didn’t really care. It was just a small part.

There were four shows. I was super relieved after the first show because I’d proven to myself that I could take on a new challenge (acting) and do a decent job. But during the second show, right before I started my line of dialogue, I felt this surge of something like power. Like I was thinking, “This is my time. The audience is going to have to sit there and listen to me, and there’s nothing they can do about it.” I realized that I’d been bitten by the acting bug that people often talk about. It was this idea that I was performing this creative endeavor and that all eyes would be on me (however briefly). I must have been un-bitten because I didn’t try out for this year’s musical. I figure with three summer vacations coming up I wouldn’t have the time to devote to some speaking role. I also wouldn’t have the energy. Man, I was working with some great actors and actresses for the Music Man. I figured all I had to do was give a passable performance, but when I heard these other people get up there and act I knew I was going to have to step up my game.

Actually, Jack and myself will be stagehands this year, moving the sets around behind the scenes. This is something low-key that I can handle. I convinced Jack to do the backstage stuff last year and he was the consummate professional. He showed up to every show wearing all black, and he knew what to move and when. He even got on me when I missed my part to help him move a desk for one of the sets.

But yeah, for a small town community theatre performance I was blown away about how much work goes into it and how much practice and preparation goes on. 6 weeks of practice, and then poof, it’s gone in a weekend. It seems like one of those designs in sand that monks do, spending hours drawing intricate lines, only to destroy it all in the end. The Monday after the last performance we left for our trip to Tampa. During this vacation it took a long time to stop practicing my lines and get them out of my head. About halfway through the trip I had to plead with Jack and Elsa to stop singing “Ya’ Got Trouble” just so I could get my sanity back.

I remember one of the costume people being so happy that they found a constable hat for me. It turned out it was one of these English bobby hats, which made me look wildly out of place for River City, Iowa. But the fact that someone was so excited about the hat, I figured if that’s what it takes for them to be engaged with the production, I could forgo my judgement about my costume and just be a good sport.

Another memory was during tech week when a couple of the guys in the dressing room broke out the makeup and starting putting it on their face. I was like “What the fuck is that?!” They said I had to wear it because of the stage lights, and how I would look too dark if I didn’t wear it. I was still traumatized from Kindergarten, when I missed a day of school and when I came back the teacher said that I had make-up work to complete. I was completely frozen with fear, thinking that I was going to have to put on makeup in front of the whole class. Eventually Elsa (my emotional support Human) did my makeup for a couple of days and by the last show I was comfortable with it.

So I’ll have to be in another musical some day, when I know I have enough time to dedicate to it. It was super fun and I made some friends. Before each show the cast went to the band room and did vocal warm ups. It ramped up the excitement. Then we all held hands and formed a circle, said a prayer, said a few words, then went out to the dark stage and waited for the intro music to stop. It was a religious experience, with all the fellowship. The curtains opened, the spotlight was on, and it was time to perform! You can’t see the audience because of the stage lights, so you don’t really know how many people are out there. After the first act is over, you hear all the applause and it’s a great feeling for about 5 seconds. Then it’s time to get prepared for the next scene.