Dad died 7 years ago today. He would have been 87 years old. I doubt that he would be alive today even if he didn’t have cancer. 87 is just an old age for anyone.

Dad was a great man and a great father. Really in some ways he was like the grandfather I never had. He was already 40 by the time I was born. So by the time I really knew him as a parent he would have been in his late 40s. He had already raised two other kids by this point so he was “chill-parent” mode by the time I came around.

He pitched baseballs to me, which ingrained the love of baseball to me. I also think he taught me everything that he knows, because there was a point later in his life where he started repeating his stories. “We’ll, that’s it” I thought. “I’ve heard everything he has to say.”

He also instilled a work ethic in me. Dad was a construction laborer, which is about the most physically demanding job a person could have. He would drive 40 miles every morning just to spend 8 hours lifting building materials or running jackhammers. It took a toll on his body but our family never went without food or shelter.

There was time when he wasn’t so nice. Not like physically abusive or anything. I think he just got older and more tired of his job. I was kinda resentful of him, plus I was a typical moody teenager.

Dad had a stroke when I was a junior or senior in high school. It changed his personality literally overnight. He became this gentle grandfatherly type, one who tended to his garden and hobbies with a fervor. It was hard for me to be mad at him at this point because he had changed so much and became a different and nicer person. But I still carried this pocket of resentment towards him because he never apologized for his previous behavior.

When dad passed away I cried at his visitation. I probably looked at his body and cried for an hour. I was sad of course but I also knew that this would be the last time I cried for him. It was me just getting it all out of my system.

For the longest time I felt like an asshole son, carrying around all this resentment and underlying anger. Dad was a man who had done so much and sacrificed so much for me. Why was I such a bad kid for having any hate towards him? Then one day my own son (who was 8 or 9 at the time) was doing something super annoying. I thought “Jesus, was I this annoying when I was a kid?” I realized instantly that I was, in fact, that annoying. I also instantly sympathized with my father who had to put up with me lol. All my underlying anger and ill will went away.

So dad, wherever you are, I want you to know I love you.